(500) days of summer

Ok, seriously, if it were up to me, I would stay in Osaka and never come back. A holiday really takes your mind off things. Makes you forget your troubles. I went away for 1 week and I forgot I had lot of things to do. Mostly school work and my part time work. I hate school. Really.

Anyway, my trip was really fun. My most favourite part of the trip was to Nara. It's really beautiful there and there are DEERS! I'm not joking. They just walk around the whole place. Like literally. So you could be walking down the street and a deer would be just right beside you. That's really cool. And the deers are so beautiful and cute. I wanted to bring one home as a pet. Too bad my HDB flat can't fit one. The aquarium there is really good as well. I think it's better than Singapore's. (Bracing for hate mail, 3... 2... 1... inbox full.) It's built like a spiral so you go round and round all the way to the bottom. They get marine life from the Ring of Fire and classify them according to the regions. OH, and the Japanese are REALLY REALLY polite. I think they're so much more refined and cultured than Singaporeans. (Hate mail. Again.)

Ok, but that's not the main part of the post. I know, I'm weird. I rather blog about some random stuff than the trip which is what most people want to hear about. I was watching "(500) Days of Summer" on the plane during the trip back to Singapore and I really love it. I felt like I could relate to it in a lot of ways. Ok, obviously not the relationship part because I have no one but the fact that the male lead, Tom Hanson (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) believed in the things like Fate, Destiny and soul mates.

I'm that kind of person. I believe in fairy tales-ish things like that. He met someone... someone that he thought was the one. In the end, the poor bloke got his heart trampled on and he was so distraught and crestfallen. I particularly liked the end where he was telling her that he doesn't believe in the fate/destiny/soul mates thing anymore and she told him that actually, he was right. That Fate does exist. Because she was looking at a painting at a deli and this person comes up to ask her about it and he became her husband. And she said something like "What if I went to another place for lunch? What if I had reached 10 minutes later?" And that he was right about it, but just not about her. At the end of the show, he found that someone when he went for a job interview. It was really heartwarming and touching...

At first, I was thinking "Crap, this show is spoiling my beliefs." Which I won't blame them for because I can't deny it's a very simplistic and fantasy point of view. Reality is much harsher. I thought that was what they were trying to tell. But the twist at the end really got me by surprise and it was really good. I still hope that one day, my happily ever after will come. If anything, this show strengthens my beliefs. Yes, I'm a person that can be easily persuaded by fictatious shows and cartoons where the princess wakes up after her prince in shining armor kisses her and he takes her on his horse and sets off for the castle, striding into the sunset.

losing my mind

I don't know why now, of all times, for it to happen. I was just surfing Facebook and looking at some stuff. And suddenly, I feel sad. And depressed. And I also feel nervous, stressed, happy, blah dee blah blah blah. I'm like on this roller coaster ride of emotions. I'm such a silly, emotional person. Maybe it's Facebook. It does things to people.

I don't know if it's because of my "many crappy issues" or the fact that I'm a self-hating guy. Seriously. I was asked today if I really hate myself and I said "I'm a self-hating person". And if even I don't like myself, how can others like me? Right? Retarded.

I'm rambling. I have no idea why. I have so much thoughts in my head, and my heart's bursting with emotions right now. But I can't put any of those into words. Why? I have no idea. It seems these few days, my answer to everything is always "I have no idea". Why? No idea. See? Told you. Stupid crappy laptop keyboard is spoiling I think. Crap. Crap crap crap.

I feel like crying right now. If you shove me in front of a TV with Grey's Anatomy on now, I'll cry my eyes out. I swear. I have no idea why I feel this way. As I said, I'm a silly, emotional person. So in conclusion, I'm a silly, emotional, self-hating person with many many severe crappy issues. Don't be me. It sucks to be me. You'll probably die in your sleep; suffocated by your heavy emotional baggage. It's a wonder I'm still alive.

alright with me

I know I've never posted anything new up. Not like anyone reads my blog anyway. Anyway, besides the fact that I'm missing Grey's Anatomy and that I'm so freaking exhausted, nothing's different.

Oh, anyone who hasn't watched Idolatry should go watch it. I know it's a little late but there's always next year. Haha! Got a new song uploaded. It's "Alright With Me" by Kris Allen. It's really catchy and nice and awesome and fan-freaking-tastic and whatever... you get the point.

if only

Someone would tell me, "You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw. It's a strength. It makes you who you are."

like i said

The past always comes back to bite you in the ass.

these ties that bind

I'm so freaking tired. And I can't go to sleep yet because I have tons of things to do. So why am I writing a blog post now? I have no idea. It's just that on the way home, I reflected on some things and felt that I should write it down.

Today was a very very long day. I mean it was from 8 in the morning till now. Seriously. I had work in the morning till 5.45pm. My back was aching like mad from sitting in the seat the whole day. I'm still feeling it now, though not so much as before. Then I went down to Sherraine's birthday party with Jerrome and Xue Yan. Ok, seriously guys, if you happen to read this, STOP MAKING FUN OF MY KNIGHT IN SHINING WHATEVER. It may be just some fantasy or a fairytale to you, but I do believe in it. So stop. Please.

Anyway, the party started off quite late 'cause the freaking charcoal refused to light up. Finally got the fire started after like 30 minutes, I think. Then I played a bit of Left for Dead 2 on Jerrome's laptop. Then basically we just barbecued food, lots and lots of it. Pork chops, chicken wings, some weird stick thingy with sausage and tomatoes and there was even stingray. Didn't really eat much of the BBQ food because I ate more of the cooked food so I was kind of full.

Later on, we played Sherraine's version of bridge which is so different. Brenda won and Jonathan lost. Which basically meant that he had to do a forfeit. Poor bloke. They actually wanted him to do a pole dance with the lamp post. But later we just had him do a dance around the tree. Oh god, it was really funny. He was kind of embarrassed though. I mean, can you blame him? But we were nice. We decided to keep the video private and not open it to public.

I really had so much fun just now and for once, probably one of the few instances in my life, I felt genuinely happy. And on the way back, I started to question myself. Could I be wrong? Maybe I am? Maybe everything's fine and will be fine? I mean, we're fine people. We do fine. I don't know. But this gathering surely proved one thing. That maybe... just maybe... everything's not as bleak as I thought it would be. For me at least. Maybe people like me deserve a second chance. That we actually can have a normal, happy life.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. At least that's what the philosophers and the poets say. I could never actually see it though. But now, I can see it. It's faint... flickering... like it might disappear any second. But I can definitely see it. Defnitely.

new history

Doctors live in a world of constant progress. And forward motion. Stand still for a second, and you'll be left behind. But as hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it is to never look back, the past always comes back to bite us in the ass. And as history shows us again, and again, those who forget the past, are doomed to repeat it.

For me, the past is something that I never want to experience again. I'm desperately wishing for it to go away. Wishing that it'll never come back to haunt me. I'm sure everyone, at some point in their lives, wish for the same thing. I've been trying to escape my past for god knows how long and finally, now, when everything is smooth sailing, it's back with a vengeance. And it's worse. Especially when you're aware you're repeating it again.

I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do. On the surface, everything seems fine. No troubles, no problems, no worries. Maybe it's really true, but maybe, beneath the surface, something bad this way comes. And I have no idea how to prepare myself for it. I feel horrible now. I got snapped at during work today for no reason. I tried my best. I freaking tried my best. But the guy was being a jackass. What was I supposed to do? Why are you snapping at me?

I feel horrible. Not only about the snapping, but everything else. For a moment, seriously, I was afraid to ask questions. I know I need to stop relying so much on others. I've been at work for what, 2 to 3 weeks? I need to stand on my own two feet. But there's just so many scenarios and so many questions. I can't possibly prepare for them all. And I'm afraid to give the wrong information because, like I said, the past will come back to bite you in the ass. Hard.

For the first time during my work, I wanted to leave so bad. I wanted to talk to someone. No, I needed to talk to someone. My person. Sometimes I feel bad for him. Whenever something crappy happens in my crappy life, he's the first person I call. And he'll listen to me bitch about the McCrap in my sad and pathetic life, albeit not so willing at times. I call him at least every 2 days to talk. And he still listens, despite his own crap that he has to deal with.

Sometimes, I feel like freaking Bambi. Seriously, when my knight in shining whatever appears, the first thing I'll do is to kick his ass from here to Saturday. Then I'll yell at him, "I'm all alone in the forest. All alone in the forest. And my mother's just been shot. And where are you? Where the hell are you?" Seriously, where the hell was he when I needed him the most?

Sometimes, the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes, the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past, that changes everything we know... about the present.

out of the dark

I'm burned out and wasted
I'm tired of pacing
I'm busy erasing voices of the dead
Everything changes
And everyone's faceless
I wanna replace this darkness in my head

In a strange strange place, I'm lying on the edge of a star
In these violent days, I only wanna be where you are
Even fools they say... can find a way out of the dark
Of the dark
Help me out of the dark

Have I been a sinner?
A lover, a killer?
'Cause the world I've discovered
It feels nothing like my home
I wanna escape it
Or try to embrace it?
I keep re-arranging everything I know

In a strange strange place, I'm lying on the edge of a star
In these violent days, I only wanna be where you are
Even fools they say... can find a way out of the dark
Of the dark
Help me out of the dark

In a strange strange place, I'm lying on the edge of a star
In these violent days, I only wanna be where you are
Even fools they say... can find a way out of the dark
Of the dark
Help me out of the dark
Oh... Of the dark
Help me out of the dark

drowning on dry land

I've finally realised what I was doing wrong. I was looking for a person. My person. Someone whom I can trust. Like if I murdered someone, that's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. Someone who would be the first person I would want to tell stuff to because probably, telling them makes it real. And I was looking in the wrong place.

There's no one I can really trust. It's true. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but it's not exactly unfounded. Can you really blame me for being paranoid? I thought things would be different. That even though I'm this dark, depressing and pessimistic person, there would still be hope. A tiny, tiny ray of light. And yet, it gets snuffed out. Just like that. I thought that the days where I was alone would be gone. Finally. Forever. It would become a thing of the past. But now, it seems that things hasn't really changed. And going through that again? Especially when you're older? It really hurts. And it's much worse.

I should stop wearing my freaking heart on my freaking sleeve. 'Cause in the end, I'm the fool. I'm the one who gets emotionally invested. I'm the only one who puts myself out there. And for what? Nothing. In the end, I'm the one who gets hurt. It's a wonder I still trust people. Even after all the crap. I have no idea what is real and what is fake. I don't know if it's a facade. I have no idea if everything was just a coincidence.

I have no idea. And I'm struggling. Deep down, I'm struggling. Because I have no idea. And what I think might be the truth really scares me. And if it were really the truth, I don't know if I have the courage to face it and come back the same. I've gone through it too many times. And this time, things were really looking promising. I'm afraid to ask for the truth because I'm scared my worst fears will come true. And if it doesn't, things might become awkward. So here I am, still thinking about it because I still have no idea. And the thought... the thought of having no one and being alone... it really scares me.

Seriously, where's my knight in shining whatever?

invasion

So on the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy, we saw the Mercy West people a.k.a Mercy Westers invade Seattle Grace and leeched surgeries off our old favourites. I know many people hated the episode, some said they have half a mind to watch C.S.I. instead, but we all know it's because suddenly, Seattle Grace is no longer home to just Meredith and company. All of a sudden, people we love to hate in orange scrubs are wandering the halls, eating at the same cafeteria and snatching surgeries left right center.

As with many Grey fans out there, the moment I saw them, I was like "Go. Away. God, make them go away. I don't want to see them. Ever. Get them out of here." Not to mention that there's no one to like in the new residents from Mercy West. Yes, you know who I'm talking about. The bitch, the jackass, the girl who acts inferior and the show off. No, really, their names are Reed, Charles, April and Jackson respectively. Not that I'll use their names anyway, I prefer their nicknames. It suits them to a T.

It starts with Meredith being all motherly and supportive. Boosting the morale of the residents when they were congregated in her room. The whole speech quoted from the Sigourney Weaver movie and especially the last part where she goes "We will hold this hospital with our last, gasping breath."

So our own Seattle Grace residents decide to give it a shot. Just when they were gaining the upper hand, things start to go cosmically wrong. Cristina loses her surgery to the show off because she was having lunch. Lexie gets back at the girl who acts inferior but she didn't feel good. Izzie gets backstabbed by the jackass, hence the nickname, and ends up giving the wrong treatment which gets her fired at the end.

At the end of the day, we see our favourite residents battered, worn out and deep down exhausted by the day's battles. Which they all lost. The scene where Cristina just runs into Meredith's room and sobbed uncontrollably, lamenting that "nothing is happening to her" and that she "miss Burke" because of the surgeries and that she "don't know what I'm (she's) doing" was so powerful. It's the only time we see Cristina break down besides the time she was left at the altar and we feel how desperate and helpless she feels.

That being said, there were many powerful scenes in this episode. Another of which was when Callie yelled to her dad "You can't pray away the gay!". An epic one liner which I'm sure will be remembered for many seasons to come. This led to another memorable scene where Callie tried to settle it peacefully with her dad which cumulated in a heated argument where he started quoting passages from the Bible about how she has sinned and she shot back with passages that taught followers of the Christ not to judge and that "Jesus would be ashamed of you for judging me, he would be ashamed of you for turning your back on me".

There were many other memorable scenes, but the last one I want to bring up is the monologue by Arizona when she was "conversing" with Callie's dad a.k.a stubborn old bastard Mr. Torres about how she was named after a battleship and that she was raised to be a "good man in the storm" and how even though she was a lesbian, she was still the person her dad raised her to be. And the same applies to Callie; that though she suddenly changed her preference after 30 years of dating and loving men, she's still the person stubborn old bastard Mr. Torres raised her to be.

And the last scene? When Izzie was fired and tearfully begged the Chief not to do so as she had nothing left and when it didn't work, she left Alex a "Dear John" letter and he came to Meredith very shocked and in disbelief and he just managed the words "Izzie left me. She wrote a note, and she left me. I... I don't know if she's coming back."? When I saw that scene, I hated our orange invaders even more. Seriously, just leave and never darken Seattle Grace's doorstep again. Ever. I just hope that in the coming episodes, the orange people get their karma and our favourite residents will kick their sorry asses and come back with a bang.

painful but true

"I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to have to come to you for anything. Ever. So I thought if, I looked up your blood type, and it was the wrong one, then that would be it. Then I could just stop thinking about it. But I can't. Because you have his blood. And I know that he's not your dad. I know that he was never there for you. And I would never ask you to give him anything, he doesn't deserve a thing from you. He doesn't. But he's... he's gonna die, Meredith. And so, I'm asking you to give something to me. I'm asking... I'm asking you to give me my dad. Because as crappy as he was to you, he was wonderful to me.

He never missed a single dance recital. He was there at my 5th grade graduation, and what is that? That's not even real. I know he's not your dad. I know that. But somehow, you have his blood. And I don't. So I'm asking you... give me my dad."

This was what Lexie Grey said to Meredith Grey when she was pleading with her to donate her liver so their dad could live. Meredith was facing a tough decision because their dad never treated her like his daughter. He never fought hard enough for her and destroyed her life when he blamed her for her stepmom's death. In addition, he was the reason his liver was shot because he was once an alcoholic.

That scene of Grey's Anatomy was truly a heart wrenching scene and in my honest opinion, one of the best scenes so far in the show. In a short span of 2-3 minutes, so much was "said". So much was felt. Many of us could probably emphatise with Meredith and were probably proud of her decision. Princess of Darkness, dark and twisty Meredith all grown up. Finally whole and healed. Being a better person. Even if it was for her sister.

I wonder if I were faced with a similar dilemma, would I be as strong as her? Would I have the courage to rise above it all? I'm hoping that I won't have to make such a tough decision. Although I'm pretty sure I will. Not exactly the same scenario but still a tough choice. Somehow, I doubt that I'll be able to see past everything for the greater good. Somehow, I doubt I will have the courage to make the right decision. But then again, it's all in the distant future. Maybe I'll be different. Maybe I'll have changed. Hopefully.

a new beginning

The training for the new part time job at SISTIC is over after tomorrow. After tomorrow, I should be answering calls on my own though under supervision. Not too psyched about that, I'm scared of screwing up. Have a huge ulcer on my mouth that's hurting like mad and it's making my mouth feel uncomfortable because it's swollen. Going to crash for the night. Can't wait for to get home tomorrow and watch the new episode of Grey's. It's going to be an awesome episode for sure.

i always feel like somebody's watching me

Paranoia gives you an edge in the OR. Surgeons play out worst-case scenarios in their heads. You're ready to close, you got the bleeder. You know it but there's that voice in your head asking. What if you didn't? What if the patient dies and you could have prevented it? So you check your work one more time before you close. Paranoia is a surgeon's best friend.

So earlier I was freaking out over my job interview because I thought it wasn't that great and I thought I didn't get the job because there was no call, blah dee blah blah blah... Guess what? I got THE call on Sunday and it totally took me by surprise. I was resigned to the fact that I didn't get the job and then suddenly, my phone rang last Sunday afternoon. I thought it was my sister or friend or whatever. So I picked it up and I saw the first 4 numbers go "6319" and I went "OH.MY.GOD." I quickly answered it and Karen called to tell me I was successful and to come down for the training which started today.

I'm a glass half empty person. Seriously. I'm dark and depressing. So usually, I tend to imagine out the worst case scenarios. I have no idea why as well. And when I got something to worry about, I always go overboard and my emotions just go into overload. I swear. I get all panicky, my heart rate increases and I totally freak out. Like when I was waiting for my results, or the job application or waiting to find out why I failed my subject despite doing well for my supplementary paper. I try to calm myself down by focusing on the here and now, on what's right in front of me. So I go about my life as usual, hoping that somehow, impossibly, I will forget about my worries. But there's always this nagging voice at the back of my head that just rudely pulls me back to reality.

Oh, and I failed my subject not because I did badly for the paper. But because my coursework already sucked so bad that when they calculated the supp paper, I still didn't pass. So I have to retake the whole subject again next year. I don't mind though, provided they don't change the Illustrator and Photoshop assignment. Which I don't think it's possible because I can't think of anything else to test your Illustrator and Photoshop skills.

We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are.

bad to worse

As if I didn't have enough on my plate to handle, what with worrying about the job at SISTIC, I get even worse news now. I failed my EssGra supp paper. Seriously. Seriously. I can't believe it. I totally studied for it. I was so prepared. I even wrote down extra stuff as requested (no, it wasn't crap) and I still failed. I can't handle doing EssGra over again. I just can't. I already messaged my teacher and now I'm waiting for her to get back to me tomorrow. Waiting is always the worst part. Always has been, always will be.

wishin' and hopin'

We all get at least one good wish a year. Over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in more. On eyelashes... fountains... lucky stars... And every now and then, one of those wishes comes true. So what then? Is it as good as we'd hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? Or, do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished?

Since I was a kid, I've always got something to wish for. Good grades... new toys... that certain secrets would remain secret. Ok, scratch that last one out. Anyway, I've always knew what I wanted. In my mind, I knew.

Strangely, this year, I had no idea what to wish for on my birthday. Or what present I wanted. It wasn't because I had everything or that I was satisfied with what I had. There were things I wanted, but I just couldn't think of anything that was feasible. However, now, at this very moment, I wish it was my birthday so I could make my birthday wish over again. Because now, I have something I want to wish for. Something I really really want.

I recently applied for a part time job at SISTIC call centre and I'm afraid I won't get it. It wasn't the best interview I've done. The interview for the F1 job was much better. There were so many things I wanted to say but somehow, I didn't. One of my friends who applied already got the call and there's just 2 of us (including me) waiting for the call.

Well, as much as I've been told it should be fine considering I've got a "history" with them, I still feel unsure. I want this job. I need this job. It may be the thing I've been looking for. Something that will add colour to my otherwise boring boring life. Something that gives my life meaning. I'm hoping that I get the job.

I've been told that if you need a job to give you a life, you either need a new job or a new life. But since I don't have an existing job, therefore I need a new life. But to get a new life, I need a job. It's contradicting on so many levels. But it still doesn't change the fact that I want this job so bad. For reasons that even I'm not sure why. I just know that I feel very strongly about this.

I'm crossing my fingers and doing everything I can to try and remain calm. But I'm usually a glass half empty person and my thoughts just run wild. I'm desperately hoping. I'm desperately wishing. And now I'm out of options, wrecked with uncertainty and fear and I have no idea what to do. Except to wait. Which is the worst part.

We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we're scared and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true.

where the wild things are

So I woke up today and decided to be the thing I hate most in an attempt to finally get over those jackasses. A happy, bright and sunshiny person. So freaking bright it'll hurt your teeth. Thank god I was at home the whole day so I didn't need to be bright and sunshiny to people. I could remain as my usual depressing self.

Don't know why, but I think we think that SISTIC is a fun place to work at so like a couple of us sent in our application for part time jobs. And within half an hour, I got a call to head down for an interview tomorrow. It feels like just yesterday I received a similar call for the F1 temp job. Deja vu much?

Nonetheless, I was kind of excited. Working at the call centre, being paid to hear people bitch and moan about whatever can happen to their tickets. Then I was told that's not all. Way to burst my bubble. Looks like I'll probably be seeing the SISTIC people again. Yay! They're a fun bunch. Or maybe that particular group only. HAHAHAHAHA!!

Ok, I have to go do some stuff before I turn in. My interview is at 11.30 in the freaking morning. Don't want to be late. Might hang out with Xue Yan and Jerrome tomorrow as well. There seem to be an awful lot of gatherings going on since this F1 temp job thingy. First Jon says he's planning one. Then I was told that Sharon mentioned something about a barbecue. All the gatherings, so little time. *sighs*

Time to go back to dark and twisty me. No more bright and sunshiny. Bright and sunshiny me is officially gone as of now. After 2 long days, I've let go. I've let go and I'm moving on. No point putting my life at a standstill just because of a couple of assholes. Yes, I'm moving on. For real.

anger; the second deadliest sin

I feel much better now. I'm still a bit pissed that my friends don't see the big fleshy deal over what he did. Probably because they're not on the receiving end. One even gave me a "I don't know..." answer. What do you not know? The backstabbing part? The jackass part? Or everything? Damn it. I won't say I'm whole and healed. I've still got some unresolved issues. It's hard for me to get over things like that. Backstabbing is something I can't take lightly. I know it happens often and in the real world it's going to happen lots more times but I still feel upset.

I mean, someone comes up and talks to you about his freaking hobbies and goddamn hopes and dreams for the bright and sunshiny future? How are you going to defend against that? How do these people live their lives? How do they sleep at night?

Seems like I've not really gotten over it. Everytime I think about this thing, I just flare up. Even though I don't feel that upset with myself anymore. It's more like repressed anger towards the jackass. Can't wait to see those jackasses get what they deserve. What goes around, comes around.

Maybe there's really no fixing me. I'm a lemon. But as Raymond said, everything stems from one's willpower. Anything can happen. Who knows? At some point in the distant future, I'll finally be whole and healed.

what a difference a day makes

All day long I've felt damn stupid. With myself. I was fooled. I was so naive. I can't even begin to describe how lousy I feel now. How could I be so stupid? I actually thought things might be different. That I was wrong for the first time. That maybe due to my own prejudices I misjudged someone. That maybe I was to quick to judge.

In the end, I was played. I was naive and I got hurt. Insulted. Humiliated. Everyone tells me to let go. Just accept it and let go. Since I was not going to be seeing that person(s) anymore, it's going to be better. Just ignore it and move on. But it's not that easy. I felt betrayed.

I'm not trying to dramatise my plight or whatever. I really felt angry and sad at myself. How could I for a moment thought that things might sort of turn out ok? I should have trusted my instincts and they turned out to be right on so many levels. Next time, I'm not listening to stupid bullshit like "Actually, they're quite ok."

They're anything but ok. They're jackasses. Typical, pain in the ass bastards. That's who they are. Struting around thinking they're cool. Standing on their podium judging everyone. I don't mind people insulting me privately. Within friends or whatever. That's what everyone does anyway. But on Facebook? A SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE? Screw you, assholes. You don't get to do that to me. I hope I never see those people again. And to think he had the nerve to add me so I could see that he was publicly humiliating me. Screw you. Fun to hang with my ass.

Ok. I feel so much better. Ms Winnie was right. It's better to vent. You feel so much better. Thank you for that good piece of advice. Everyone tells me to just ignore idiots like said person and just move on. I tried, but I can't. I want to go up to his face and say "Screw you. You insensitive jackass. It's people like you who make this world a worse place for others. 2 face asshole." Maybe I should. When I see him next. Probably when I return my SGP shirts to SISTIC.

Ok... maybe not those exact words. I'll probably be less crude. Or maybe I won't even dare to at all. Yeah, I know. I'm a coward. I mostly blame it on my lack of self confidence and self esteem. And I blame my lack of self whatever on bastards like said person(s). As someone wise once said, "The world is filled with the wrong kinds of people."

thanks for the memories

Well, the time finally came. F1 has come to a close and it officially marks the end of my part-time job with SISTIC. Maybe I'm being melodramatic. But I'm already starting to miss my new friends. For some reason, even in the scorching heat of the blazing sun, time just flies. Especially today. I enjoyed myself thoroughly today. And I feel like laughing every time I recall today's events.

First I arrived at the booth early to find Wee Chee, Karen and Paul already there. Seriously. The reporting time was 12.30pm but they were already there at 12.15pm and everything was set up. Seriously. Then we just chilled, talk and laughed. I'm already laughing before I even type what happened. Karen's message tone was the ending theme for the Korean drama "Boys Over Flowers". It's a nice and catchy song so it gets stuck in the head. Especially if you've been hearing it for 3 days so far.

So suddenly, Wee Chee and I find ourselves unknowingly humming the song over and over again. And Karen was like "Is it because you heard the ringtone then you start humming?" and we were like "Yeah, all your fault lah." HAHAHAH!!! Oh my god, I think I spend more time laughing with my friends than selling tickets. LOL.

Then Raymond came and god, I love our booth's gate manager. He's fan-freaking-tastic. I swear. Damn slack and fun and nice and generous. He's freaking hilarious and knowledgable. I nicknamed him "Uncle Bear". And he's cool with it. I swear, I'm damn freaking lucky. I got a nice supervisor, assistant supervisor and gate manager. Raymond bought drinks and a big box of McNuggets for us on Saturday while Karen spent like almost 40 bucks (rough guess) on drinks and dessert for us today. Or yesterday. Whatever.

She bought 2 drinks from Starbucks which is around 12-14 bucks, 2 Ice Milk Tea from MOS Burger which is around 5 bucks, 3 drinks from McDonald's which I'm guessing is around 8-9 bucks and 12 custard/chocolate rolls from Renaldo's which cost 1.50 each. Seriously. I'm not joking. It's really around 40 bucks right?

I also managed to touch a 1 000 DOLLAR NOTE. I'm damn freaking ass serious. I was kind of bummed because I thought the chances were slim. Sales were low, we were close to closing hours and people usually paid by credit card or NETS. But suddenly, this customer came and paid me with 2 1 000 dollar notes. I was so shocked I initially forgot to check if it was real until someone reminded me. As Raymond said, everything lies with one's willpower. Haha.

So after we packed our stuff and went back to Suntec to deposit them, we RAN all the way to Gate 7 at Marina Square just to watch the race for a couple of minutes. Couldn't take any decent photos because the cars were a blur. I mean how can you get a still picture of something that moves almost at the speed of a bullet train?

Then we went back to Suntec to gather for a debrief. Had a cam-whore session with everyone from SISTIC who was involved and helped to move a bit of stuff. Then they broke out white wine and sparkling juice (seriously, SISTIC really rocks right?) and it was kick awesome albeit it was a small portion. I got to keep my pass but sadly, I didn't manage to get the 4 grandstand lanyards. Damn it. I forgot to ask when I came back from the race circuit. Really bummed. I'm now seriously considering a part time job at SISTIC call centre. It's under the Customer Service section and at least now I know some people there.

All in all, it was a really fun day and the people really made the job much more enjoyable. Might have a mini gathering soonish since we have to return the F1 shirts which are so ugly. Hope we can all get together again. It'll be more fun since we're not working. Haha!

good mourning/goodbye

According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through 5 distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

I have exprienced loss. Twice. Both my grandfathers. However, strangely, I didn't go through those 5 stages of grief. I pretty much skipped everything and went straight to 'Acceptance'. Perhaps because I wasn't close to them. I mean they stayed at one end of Singapore and I stayed at the other. My paternal granddad passed away when I was pretty young so I hardly knew what was going on. My maternal granddad passed away last year and I was pretty shocked. However, I really didn't feel as sad as I should be. And I knew he was sick for a while but I always put off seeing him and in the end, I missed my chance.

Probably it was because the truth hasn't sunk in yet. Because it was too sudden. But like a couple of days after his death, I broke down. I was in school at that time and it was during my PE lesson. I had no idea why. Maybe it was because I finally came to the startling realisation that he was dead. That my granddad died. That I would never see him again. That my granddad... is... dead. It was like a river had burst its banks. I couldn't stop the tears for a while. I sobbed and all my repressed sadness in some deep, dark, hidden corner just flowed out. And I couldn't stop. I couldn't control it.

Maybe to some extent, we all go through the 5 stages of grief. It's human nature. We want to cheat death. Prolong it. We always ask why is God so freaking unfair. We ask why Death didn't take us instead. We ask if Death can take us instead and set our loved ones free.

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.

Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

F1 race day 2

I wanted to blog about my first day at work yesterday but I was so freaking tired. Not that I'm not today, I mean I still am but I've stubbornly decided my body won't get its much needed rest until it lets me finish what I want to do. I'll do 2 blog posts for today because yesterday I wanted to do a post in tribute of the FIRST episode of SEASON 6 of GREY'S ANATOMY but again, I was too tired.

Seriously... And my job isn't even tiring at all. It's just sitting in an air-conditioned booth selling tickets and answering customers' enquiries. But it gets incredibly hot in the afternoon so it's not like it's a bed of roses either.

Anyway, I was pretty nervous before I started. I had a lot on my mind... I was wondering what if I keyed in the wrong amount when I charged customers or what if I selected the wrong payment method on the system or what if they asked me something that I can't answer... basically a shitload of what ifs. Oh, and I was separated from my friends so I felt really awkward initially.

But it's not as bad as I envisioned it to be. I actually enjoyed it really much mainly because of the people. My colleagues (not sure if friend is the right word) are so so so much fun. We crack jokes and laugh like mad. Karen, our supervisor, Raymond (I think he's the gate manager?) and Paul are really cool people. I really enjoyed the times I spent in the booth together with all my colleagues.

Alas, time flies and tomorrow is the last day for the F1. Which basically means that it's the last time we get to spend time together. I actually feel sad whenever I think about it. I mean, I knew that it had to come sooner or later but now that it's actually here... I will miss the time I spent with my friends. Seriously. The fun times, the serious times, the jokes and the peals of laughter will be missed dearly. It's an experience I will never forget. If possible, I really hope to work with them again one day in the distant future. And I already can't wait to apply for the job again for next year's F1 if SISTIC handles the ticketing again.

post big 4-0 celebration

Yay! I've finally hit the big 4-0! I'll like to thank my parents, my sister and my other sister for supporting me every step of the way. For making me feel that this could be anything but a failure. I also like to thank my friends and Grey's Anatomy for inspiring a huge amount of my posts. Oh wait, I forgot. I'm not at the Academy Awards. Harhar.... that was my lame attempt to be witty. And yet, I find myself wit-less.

I'm exhausted. Deep, all the way down exhausted. And physically as well. I got to stay at Booth 3 which is a great thing because it's so freaking near City Hall MRT but I'm totally separated from my friends. Lucky them got grouped up in 2s and 3s. Although my booth mates are fun and interesting to say the least. This is it. Tomorrow, or rather today, is THE day. Big, big day. I'm kinda hoping I don't screw up tomorrow/today. I just finished an episode of Grey's Anatomy and I think it's one of the awesome episodes of the series. I cried. Inside. Like a baby. And I'm reminded of why I love this series.

Tried to prepare myself by reading up on the access zones for the grandstands but I don't have enough time for the individual synopsis. Too freaking wordy. I need to sleep early now so I can wake up early and have McDonald's breakfast before I head over. Found a new song as well (thanks to Grey's) and I love it. It's 'Drifting Further Away' by Powderfinger. Check it out.

short afternoon

Woke up today around 12 to the sound of 'Sky' by Joshua Radin blaring from my phone. I answered the call and Jonathan's bright, happy, sunshiny voice chirped from the other side. It was so "painful" it hurt my teeth. It's not you, I just hate happy, sunshiny people since generally, I'm downright depressing. Especially since I just woke up. Whatever.

So I quickly went to bathe and change and met Jon at Tampines MRT. Took a train down to City Hall to meet up with Brenda. Jeanette was supposed to come but apparently ice skating ranked higher on her "Top 10 things to do" list. We went to see Jerrome at Suntec and went off for lunch at KFC. Was supposed to play with Brenda's new DSLR but we almost finished the food before we remembered. Haha! Brenda bought me a shot glass from Australia. Ain't she such a nice friend? Aww.... Next time you see me Brenda, it will just be me and a bottle of tequila and it will be all your fault. HAHAHAHAHA.

Wanted to go walk around the circuit but we didn't have time and it was too big anyway. So we went down to Funan to visit Zane. We only stayed a while then we had to go back to Suntec to meet Jerrome and send Jon off to work. He's working now anyway, poor bloke. I would gloat too, if I didn't have a supp paper tomorrow. Speaking of which, I'm going off to study now. See, I can have an afternoon out with friends too. I'm not so boring after all. Hah! Denial.

I'm kind of excited about Thursday because the new season of Grey's Anatomy is coming out! I have half a mind to buy the season pass thing for mIO TV. Oh, and I'm going to watch The Ugly Truth tomorrow which stars the pretty Katherine Heigl and the hot Gerard Butler. Yay me!!!

live like we're dying

Kris Allen's new single "Live Like We're Dying" is finally out! Check it out under "random fun stuff"!

blank and boring

Hmm.... if someone were to ask me now "What's up?", I would reply with "Nothing much." The same answer I've been giving for I think at least a year and many years before that and probably for many years to come. I went blog surfing just before this (not sure if 3 blogs count as surfing) and I realised my life is so boring. One big boringness. A blank, white, empty sheet.

My friend said that reading my blog is so brain taxing. And I don't think I can fault her. It's totally filled with words and no pictures. Unless you count the ones of Kris Allen and Kris Allen. Oh, and the SAJC shirt. But those are like once in a blue moon kind of posts. I never really liked taking pictures. Never found myself photogenic. I pretty much have a low self esteem. Really, I look freaking unglam in 99% of the photos I've taken.

Then I realised that I have no nice or exciting adventures to blog about. No playing in the sea or walks on the beach in Sentosa. The only thing I ever come close to blogging about is watching a movie. But hey, EVERYONE does that.

I don't know.... maybe it's the way I am? I just don't really like going out. Partly because I'm lazy and prefer spending my afternoons watching TV series and soaking up the drama the way I eat my favourite food. But I think sometimes, it's more than that. Maybe I'm scared of being ridiculed. Maybe I'm scared of people judging me. I intend to try and change so I don't spend my time at home watching Grey's Anatomy on my laptop but that change probably won't come anytime soon. My life is like a blank and empty artboard. And I'm waiting for something or someone to add colour to it. Literally.

why I love ellen......

Video of the Day: Ellen Shakes Her Way to Health! - The Ellen DeGeneres Show

a moment of peace

I solemnly swear that the world hates me. Ok, I don't mean world as in the people but as in Fate, Destiny, Cosmic balance, Universe, whatever you guys call it. Want to know why? Because I never get a moment of peace. First, I get a call from my teacher on the 10th saying in a serious voice that I've failed Essgra. Then I spend HOURS trying to log in to get my results while trying to cope with my extreme nervousness. Finally got it and realised I did average as I only failed EssGra.

So here I was happy and peaceful till I found out that SISTIC put their training on the 14th. SERIOUSLY. It clashed with my supplementary revision lesson and I was afraid they would drop me. So I called my teacher to see if there were other dates and emailed SISTIC to check as well. Soon, that problem was resolved and all was calm. Although I was still troubled by other minor stuff which was actually partly due to overthinking on my part.

So the 14th came and I gave myself a major scare because I thought I had the wrong time. Then, I thought it was the supp paper immediately and was so nervous I went to the toilet to puke. Afterwards, I met my friends for lunch and went home. Blah dee blah blah blah and now, I'm nervous again.

My friend puts some cryptic message on Twitter that there's a test on Wednesday during the training for F1. Seriously! I mean, what kind of training is this? I just thought it would be a simple training. Learning to use the system, how to act as a service provider, so on and so forth. At least, that's what I was told. Now, some people are going to observe us on Wednesday and we have to ROLE PLAY stuff in front of them and there's a test??? Oh, and my friend says he needs to go shopping and now I'm like "Oh my god, please don't tell me we have to get the pants by tomorrow??"

To top it all off, I have a million and one things to buy and I have NO MONEY. I need to replace my iPhone, get 2 black pants/jeans, get a blazer and probably might need to buy a DSLR camera. Where am I going to get the money? Now I'm so nervous and troubled!!! When can I ever get peace and stop being nervous? It really really doesn't feel good at all. Words can't describe the emotions I feel when I think of all that is to come. ARGH!!!

Thursday, September 24th

In less than 2 weeks, the new season of Grey's will air in the US. There will be lots of changes, shocking news and the fate of Izzie Stevens is still unknown. I have been pretty upset today because I have to miss my whole day of training tomorrow because of a 2 hour lesson. Less money and I'll be behind the others because I don't know how to use the SISTIC system. Great. But... I found out something awesome! A sneak peek at the new season of Grey's Anatomy. A 6 minute video featuring the beginning of the new episode "Good Mourning". Check it out under 'random fun stuff'!!!

thoughts running wild

Yesterday, while lying in bed trying to sleep because I was too freaking nervous over the release of my abysmal grades, perhaps due to the tension and whatever, I started to imagine what I think could be a scene in Grey's Anatomy when Meredith was pregnant.

It's not really random because the actress playing Meredith, Ellen Pompeo, is actually pregnant in real life. Although it was reported her pregnancy wasn't going to be written into the story, I was trying to imagine what it would be like if it was.

*Cristina runs up to Meredith*

Cristina: Mer, what the hell was your problem?
Meredith: Hormones! Cristina, I am pregnant! I have someone growing in my belly, I cry for no reason every night and my boobs are all sore! Do we really have to do this now?
Cristina: So much for not having kids.
Meredith: It's a Derek thing. Well, he wanted to have kids and I thought since we weren't getting any younger, we should give it a shot. And then...
Cristina: It happened.
Meredith: It happened.
Cristina: So you're gonna have chatty kids.
Meredith: Yep, with perfect hair. Just like I envisioned......

*Meredith starts looking at Cristina*

Cristina: Why are you looking at me like that? Oh... wait, wait. I don't do babysitting!
Meredith: Cristina!
Cristina: Nope. I don't do babysitting. I do... I do... surgery! Yes! I cut people open and stitch them back up. That's what I do. No babysitting, not for chatty kids with perfect hair.
Meredith: Why not?
Crisitina: Because then they'll be bitching to me about all the crap in their lives as if I don't have enough to deal with with all the crap in your life.
Meredith: Cristina, if ever you babysit my kids, they'll be little things. They can't talk. Much. Please?
Cristina: Nope... still not doing it. Go find others. I'm sure there will be many people willing to volunteer to take care of chatty kids with perfect hair. Go find Izzie!

*Cristina takes up her patient records and dashes off*

I don't know... I tried to make it as close to the characters' personalities as possible. Kind of bummed over my grades though. On a side note, anyone who hasn't watched The Time Traveler's Wife yet, please do so. It's really worth a watch.... maybe two.

reflection

I'm not trying to brag or boast, but initially I thought I had a good grasp of the English Language. I mean, what with my languages being my best subjects and all. Then I soon realised that I was so wrong. I just read an article, which I won't say "put me to shame", but kind of made me seriously reflect on whether I was truly good at English.
The article was beautifully written, albeit a bit too crude, and the writer isn't even a journalist or a full-fledged writer to begin with.

It got me thinking... and I started to wonder if one day, I could write like him. The article was crude but funny, insightful and moving. The usage of words, the placement of sentences. I know there are people out there who after reading it will go "Pfft... I could write like that too. It's so easy." But is it really? It does seem like anyone can write like that, but if we didn't have a reference... if we put ourselves in the writer's shoes and we had to produce that article for the first time, would we still have been able to produce such work? I refrain from using the word "masterpiece" because as awesome as the article is, there are still better works out there.

The writer is from America, and we are from Singapore. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm ill-informed. But from what I've heard from a friend overseas, Singapore's education level is higher than theirs. The books we study for Literature at Secondary level are the books they use for A'Levels. But as I said, it might not be the case for everyone in general. And yet, not everyone in Singapore can produce such a work. I will leave you now with an extract of the article.

"While I'll probably never fully understand Michael's struggle, I've had a first hand peek behind the curtain of Parkinson's. I've watched my father -- a strong and proud person who successfully raised 4 arguably insane children - slowly, cruely stripped of his independence. His golden years robbed without explanation. It quite obviously sucks. Witnessing my Dad suffer over the years galvanized my need to step up. On November 2nd, I'll join thousands of other men and women to march in lockstep solidarity toward searing psychic pain and physical humilation.

One of the reasons I chose RUNNING specifically, was because (as Murakami so eloquently put it) my competition is the most formidable foe of all; ME. The person I have to beat is the guy I was last week. The person I was yesterday. Indescribably worse, those affected by Parkinson's wage a similar war in their own bodies every single day. Unlike a marathon, their struggle won't end in a shallow pool of vomit just outside Tavern On The Green while waiting for an ambulance. They continue day in and day out, silently battling away in the most personal of struggles."

Extract from: 'Why I'm Running the New York City Marathon', Ryan Reynolds

a change is gonna come

Many times I have struggled to come up with material for my post. Not that anyone sees it anyway, so technically, I shouldn't care so much. Still, sometimes, I just have this urge to write something so I come here and my mind is blank. Seriously.

It's a couple of days into the holidays and thankfully, that empty feeling is slowly fading away. I hope. I mean, I don't feel that bad now so I reckon it's disappearing. Sometimes I still feel traces of it, maybe it has something to do with me being in the house all day long. I know I need to do MedSoc supplementary paper and I heard it's the week after this. I really really hope not because I haven't even started studying yet!

September is almost here. And with it, it brings new possiblities, new opportunities and new arrivals. Like new seasons of Grey's Anatomy and Gossip Girl. Hah! I'm starting my new job soon. I'm kind of psyched! It's going to be at F1 Grand Prix. Haha! So while my JC peeps are slogging away, I'm watching car races and earning money for it. It's going to be hard work still, I was warned it wasn't a walk in the park. Not that I enjoy the Grand Prix anyway, I just like to gloat. Yeah, I'm bad, nasty and mean.

So here I am, a mean, nasty and grouchy person sitting at the laptop, typing rubbish. Whatever. That's what a blog is for. If you don't spew rubbish here, where else can you do that? I can't wait for the World of Warcraft movie slated to release like God knows when (considering there are no actors/actresses cast yet) and World of Warcraft: Cataclysm coming out October next year. Woooo!!!

i will follow you into the dark

Finally, the holidays are here. It was something that I was really looking forward to since I was successful in applying for a part-time job at the F1 Grand Prix. Somehow, when it finally came, I didn't seem to enjoy it as much as I thought I would have.

For the past 2 days, I felt really bored. Seriously. I initially dismissed it as lack of entertainment because my friend was supposed to pass me a stack of anime to watch and another was going to lend me her TV series but it turned out that I had to wait till next week. Since then, I have been watching videos on YouTube but I hate waiting for it to load. It seems to be getting slower and slower.

Then I realised that it was not just as simple as not having enough entertainment. I'm currently watching an anime and even though I have tons of episodes to watch, I still feel that same emptiness inside me. A void that I thought was due to the lack of shows. It may have something to do with doing badly for MedSoc but I highly doubt so.

I'm sort of afraid because I have no idea why I feel the way I do. Because of that, I can't do anything to make myself feel better. I don't know what to do and I don't know what caused this feeling of emptiness inside me. I'm just hoping the cause is something minor. Maybe I'm just making a mountain of a molehill. Or maybe it's due to the "many severe crappy issues". Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon.

dream a little dream of me......

We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhoods. The shoe fits Cinderella, the frog turns into a Prince, Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time and then they lived happily every after. Fairytales, the stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairytales don’t come true. It’s the other stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that always seem to become reality. The person who invented “Happily Ever After” should have his ass kicked, so hard.

I'm so tired and exhausted. Stressed. No matter how hard I try, it just doesn't seem to work. I can't focus and I become easily distracted. Maybe it might have something to do with the fact that tomorrow's my last paper, but whatever. I hate MedSoc. Period.

I have so many things on my mind. The father thing, the mother thing, the sister thing, the other sister thing. Oh, and the inferiority complex thing. I have way too many things. I bet even a Psych book can't analyse my things. I wish it was something easier like "severe abandonment issues" because mine is probably going to be "many severe crappy issues". Sometimes I close my eyes and wish that it would all go away. But no, reality still stays and comes back to bite you in the ass. I open my eyes and see the same crappy things I'm burdened with. Oh well, reality check much. MedSoc is still waiting for me and I only got 3 hours to completely memorise it. This sucks.

Once upon a time, happily ever after. The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairytales don’t come true. Reality is much stormier, much murkier, much scarier. Reality. It’s so much more interesting than living happily ever after.

random thoughts......

It's been 2 months since I've wrote a new post. Been really busy with work and trying to find material for this next post. I blame my lack of inspiration... where are the muses??? Anyway, lately, there have been many random thoughts in my head and I decided to use it since I can't think of anything.

Basically it's just random emo quotes/sentences that just 1. popped into my head and 2. heard from movies/shows.

"Sometimes, it all still feels like a mass of dots. But, more and more these days, I feel like we're all connected. And it's beautiful, and funny... and good."

"I looked across the room to steal a glance. Desperately hoping, wishing... that you'll turn back, even if it's just for a second. That one day, you'll notice me, someone who has been silently in love with you."

"I tried, but I failed. In the silence, the words I failed to convey to you have been carried away by the wind. Far... far... away."

"Slowly, I opened my eyes. I reached out and grabbed hold of a dream, my dream. As my hand closed upon it, it turned into ashes. Trickling slowly through my fingers like the sands of time. I realised how foolish I was. Trying to catch my dream... an eternal dream."

"A dream that cannot be achieved remains as it was. A dream, once achieved, becomes a success. Yet, why do we call it a dream if it can be achieved?"

"He walked away, but turned back at the last moment, hoping against hope that it could be saved. With a lingering look, he realised there was never going to be a happy ending. It was all just an illusion, a fool's paradise. Resigned to that fact, he resumed his sorrowful journey, determined to finish it."

Please note that though most of it were random thoughts, it wasn't inspired by any real life events, ESPECIALLY not that one about love.

respect

It's been told from generations to generations, possibly handed down on a stone tablet. We've all heard the proverbs, listened to the stories, heard people telling us: Respect your elders, especially your parents. But what if things don't go their way? We all know for a fact that if you want someone to respect you, you've got to earn it. So when do we draw the line? When do we differentiate between blindly respecting and really respecting?

Before moving on, I am NOT denying that our parents deserve a lot of credit because they have or will do a lot in bringing you up but sometimes, I realise that parents take this "respect" for granted. At least for me, they do.

We've all heard cases of abuse... the normal stuff like physical abuse, mental torture and the common splashing of hot water. We probably pity the victim but we don't feel much because it doesn't really concern us. But... what happens if it happens to you? Or maybe, someone you know?

Someone I know shared with me one of her traumatising experience when she was just at the tender age of 11. Dad bought a shiny, new pencil and one day, Dad misplaced it. Dad assumed she stole it, so Dad and Mum took her into the room to "shake her up" and force her to admit it. They whacked her, violently shook her and threw her head against the wall. It was so bad she literally begged them to stop and swore she didn't took it. However, Mum got pissed that she swore and beat her up even more. After the beatings, they left her alone in a room for a very long time. Soon after, they found the pencil. Where you ask? It was lying on top of some shelf that Dad left it on. What did her parents do? Nothing. They didn't even apologise for wrongly accusing her. The only thing they did was to smile at her and give the "Oops, my mistake" crap.

Imagine enduring that at the age of 11. And do note that it wasn't an exclusive event. She suffered worse before and after that, and even up to when she was 20. It made me start to wonder if her parents were mentally sick and just weren't aware of it. If you simply wanted to discipline your child for stealing, did you have to go that extend and physically abuse your child? Yes, that was abuse. It's no longer just a simple case of caning or beating.

It also seems that sometimes, parents have a warped sense of respect. Or as I said earlier, they take it for granted. A father once told his son, "Even if I spit on you, scold you and throw your stuff out of the house, you have to crawl back in and call me father." Truth be told, I felt really really disgusted after hearing that. To expect your child to respect you as parents after you do that is ignorant to the point of stupidity. I mean seriously, NO ONE is going to crawl back in and call you if you did what you did to them. We're humans, not animals. We are entitled to our feelings and emotions.

My parents aren't even close to being great parents. I mean sure, they get an A for effort but they way they treat their kids and people is appalling. They keep us in check with fear. Which, I think is kind of ok, but if fear manifests itself in like throwing away your instant noodles immediately upon hearing them or having your heart palpitate wildly if you're playing the computer and you hear them come home, is madness and wrong. It's not even fear... it's tyranny and oppression. Of course, there are other things but it's too personal to share it here. I don't know anyone reading this well enough to have that conversation.

At the end of the day, it comes down to whether you have earned that respect. For me, I strictly believe in respecting people only if they've earned it and I apply it to my parents as well. If you don't want to give me the basic respect as a human being, I don't see why I should respect you as parents. Being parents doesn't mean you have God-given rights and you get away with anything you do. It also doesn't make you infallible because you're after all, human, and capable of making mistakes.

Certain things my parents have done kind of woken me up and made me realise that I've been blindly respecting them. I still give them the basic respect as parents, because trust me, I have half a mind to tell them lots of stuff but I don't because I don't want to hurt them. However, I have drawn the line and I've made up my mind. For most people, I assume, you don't have parents like mine, hence, it doesn't even concern you. But for the others, think about what's going on.

teardrops on my guitar

Remember my previous post which said that your family is better? That they're always there to help you, to watch as you start off with baby steps and finally achieve independence? I lied. It wasn't on purpose, I was fooled as well. Whoever started telling people that crap was a complete and total moron. Family bonds? So freakin' overrated.

People always say that your family are the only ones you can trust in your life. Well, they haven't met mine. My life sucks and mostly it's because of them. I was in APEL class a few days back and I was told to write down a spiritual goal. My mind went blank because I couldn't think of anything that gave my life meaning. Then my teacher "forced" me to think and the first thing that came to mind was my eldest sister.

Not my parents, or my other sister. Not them. My eldest sister. It occurred to me then that something was wrong. Really wrong. Almost everyone would firstly, have something in their life that gives it meaning and secondly, that would be their parents or their other half. Ok, I don't have a other half which means it should have been my parents. But it's not.

And honestly, it wasn't a surprise. My eldest sister is always there, maybe not physically and not all the time. But she's there for me more than my family is. My parents do help me, but they come back and screw me for causing trouble and making them solve it for me. Which, to be honest, I didn't ask for it. I'm not trying to be ungrateful but you don't voluntarily help someone then scold the person you're helping. It just doesn't work that way.

Parents are supposed to give unconditional love to their children. That is NOT unconditional love, period. My sister provides a better example of unconditional love. Then they say, "Ask your sister to provide for you then. Pay for your school fees." Really? Your family is much better? Moron. It's raining now. Everything seems dark and gloomy... Something happened just now, which is why I made this post. But it sounds very superficial so I'm not posting it up. I'm upset, so freakin' upset. But no one knows, no one except my sister. And you wonder why I say she makes my life meaningful.

She gives me hope and inspiration. She has gone through worse than me and made it through. She lets me know that damaged people like us deserve a second chance and that I can make it through just when I think the road is going nowhere.

Family... you wonder why people say they're the best. It's definitely not. Not all of them anyway. Don't believe that crap... trust me. I found out the hard way. I'm upset and alone and do they care? No. To them, I've disappeared. I'm nothing. I only matter to one person... and that's why she gives my life meaning.

american idol's upset victory?

Ok, I think I've made it pretty clear I'm a Kris Allen fan and proud of it. My friends are starting to get annoyed with my constant gloating. Yes, all you Glamberts who made my life hell. Day after day listening to you guys say Adam IS going to win. Haha! Anyway, since the results of American Idol have been released, I've seen so many articles/blogs/posts whining and bitching about how it's rigged and whatever rubbish they can come up with. I've read these articles/blogs/posts and I'm going to set the record straight and tell you Glamberts why Kris Allen won. Some of the insights I have come from the articles I've read but there's too much for me to credit. Sorry about that.

A side note, Kris's victory of American Idol isn't an upset victory AT ALL. Do people even know the meaning of an "upset victory"? It refers to someone very weak emerging as the winner among a group of strong people. Anyone, anyone who says that Kris is weak and that he didn't deserve it is a complete and total moron. I believe some Glamberts will agree with this, only the reasonable ones. America isn't blind, if Kris sucks, he wouldn't be in the finals. Well, with the exception of Taylor Hicks.

First up, the whole "anti-gay" crap is full of bullshit. Anyone who uses that to explain why Adam lost should be shot dead and trampled on. Seriously, if Adam lost because of his sexuality, then why did he even make it into the finals? Shouldn't he have been kicked out long ago?And for the record, there were anti-gay people supporting Adam. So no, Adam didn't lose because of his sexuality. In fact, NO ONE CARES.

Secondly, Adam reached his peak a long time ago while Kris has been steadily gaining momentum throughout the entire season and peaked at the right period, which is towards the end. It's like in Season 7 when Archuleta was giving 5 stars performance and the only thing he can do is remain where he is and watch as Cook became "a threat". The same theory applies here. Adam has been pimped by Simon since the beginning (it's disgusting really) and there's really nothing else for him to do but to watch as Kris grew. Therefore, when it came down to the 2 of them, Kris appealed more to the audience because of his personality, musical talents and the fact that each performance was something new. Adam's performance on the other hand, though spectacular, was the same thing over and over again. By the finals, we had already seen everything he had. Don't forget, Kris left us heartless with his stripped down performance of "Heartless" during the final 3 week. That was something new, the likes of which we didn't see from him during the entire season.

Thirdly, their personalities played a big difference. Kris, though "common" and boy-next-door, managed to captivate the audiences week after week. His music is very audience orientated and it appeals more to a significant part of society. He has the ability to change the song to fit his vocals and "puts his signature on it", at the same time, connect with the audience. On top of that, you can tell he loves the song he's performing and he feels for it. It's as though he read the lyrics beforehand and changed the song to capture its meaning. Even Kara DioGuardi praised Kris for his emotional connection with the audience time after time, the very same challenge she posed for Adam early in the competition. As I said to my fellow Kris Allen fans, he interested me with "Man in the Mirror", mesmerised me with "Ain't No Sunshine", captivated me with "She Works Hard for the Money", took my breath away with "The Way You Look Tonight" and completely took my heart with "Heartless".

Adam's performance, on the other hand, is good. As much as I don't really like him (bracing for hate mail), I'm not going to be ignorantly foolish to say he sucks or that he's not good. I have to say this though. One thing that puts me off is his constant "screaming" (subjective) and the close ups of his tongue. He needs to know that not every song calls for a falsetto. Sometime, even Glamberts can't deny this, it's really a bit ear-piercing at times and Simon gives him a standing ovation for it. Like seriously? Also, he goes over the top with his performances always. I know it's an Idol thing and that's what you're supposed to do, but he needs to tone it down and even Slezak says the same thing. After a while, it seems to me like he forgets he's on a concert stage and he thinks he's performing in a theatre. A theory that I have is that his "over the top" performances may have appealed to the Americans but the people in Asia aren't ready for those kind of performances. We're a more conservative society and seeing nail polish, eye liners and constant "screaming" on a guy isn't a social norm. Not to mention the sexuality issue. I have no qualms about that, but a lot of others do. And people know that those living in Asia can vote as well and it's the largest continent, so that may have affected the results as well.

Lastly, one thing I've noticed here in Singapore (yes, we can vote in Singapore, so there's no excuse not to vote), everyone supports Adam. However, most of them are just normal fans because they jumped on the Adam bandwagon after hearing about Adam through word of mouth. Yes, that's how we are. We don't often catch up on American Idol so we get the latest information through others who do. So when people say "Adam is good", they get that mindset stuck and never bother to really see who they support. So when the finals came, and it was time to really show their support, they didn't vote for Adam. They were just "fans" but apparently not enthusiastic enough to lift the phone and call. I voted for Kris during the finals after I realised like the week before that Singaporeans could vote. That's how real fans should show their support. No point saying "I'm an Adam fan" but your actions fail you. Basically, Adam garnered many fans, but they weren't that big a fan to vote for him even though it's free.

On a side note, the Glamberts were wasting time slamming the Kris fans for voting because they are convinced that Adam would win. During the 7 hours of voting, they were on the chatbox slamming the Kris fans while we were voting like crazy. Ergo, wasting time. And for the record, Gizmo IS NOT CHEATING. It's been recognised by American Idol as a voting medium.

Regarding the results, Seacrest, the 2 finalists and Paula said they have no idea how the votes were split. Which led many to believe that the margin was wide and they didn't want to publicise it. I, however, do not believe that 38 million votes came from Arkansas as they only have a population of less than 3 million. Hope this helps!

I've already consolidated everything I've read from other articles and I hope this manages to quash any rumors or assertions that American Idol is rigged or Kris doesn't deserve to win. Digressing away for a moment, I'll like to comment on some stuff that I felt was unfair.

Firstly, many people speculated that "No Boundaries" was written more for Adam because the notes were too high for Kris, and that everyone thought Adam would win. I was one of them. During the performance, you could see Kris was struggling with it (poor bloke) and looked relieved that it was over. I'm of course not going to deny that it posed problems for Adam as well. Then Kara gave some crap that she agreed it was too high for Kris and hopes that people vote for him based on the season instead of the song. Ok, one, you didn't even feature Kris much in the earlier part of the show because he was apparently "cannon fodder". So how do you want people to judge him based on the season? Two, you co-wrote the song and you didn't realise it was too high for him? What rubbish is that? Not to mention that the lyrics were cheesy and I thought they were throwing darts at nonsense lyrics on the board. However, it obviously backfired and Kris emerged victorious instead because of his musical ability to change the song to fit his vocals.

Secondly, according to an article I just read, New York Times writer Jon Caramanica said this of Kris. "At worst, he’s indefensible, utterly lacking in texture and range and interpretive imagination." I would like to ask Mr Jon Caramanica this. Where were you when Kris was performing "Ain't No Sunshine"? Or "Remember The Time", "She Works Hard for the Money" and just recently, "Heartless"? It seems that Mr Caramanica practices selective seeing and hearing because Kris has been praised for his changing of those songs. Furthermore, "Heartless" took the world by storm as Kris just sang together with his acoustic guitar and nothing else. That simple, stripped down version of "Heartless" won praises from all 4 judges for it's originality and even the recognition of Kanye West himself, the original singer of the song. So what exactly was Mr Caramanica judging on when he said Kris has no "interpretive imagination"? Pray tell.

Mr Caramanica also mentioned that Kris lacks "range". If he were referring to vocals, I would suggest that Mr Caramanica should try to visit a CD shop in the near future. Some of the best selling artistes have no wide range as well but they're still successful and it says a lot. It's wrong to generalise and assume that if you want to be a great singer, you need to hit every note in existence. If he were referring to song choices, I would again like to ask him where was he during Kris's performances? He has indeed performed a wide range of songs and even held his own during his duet with country singer Keith Urban. I wonder if Mr Caramanica even watched any of Kris's performances before making that critique.

That being said, I hope that people stop sulking and accept that Kris really deserve to win American Idol. I don't like Adam (hate mail...3,2,1 inbox full) but I acknowledge that he's a great performer in his own way. I wish both of them well and I'm anxiously awaiting Kris's CD to hit the stores.

american idol

Ok...this is not a normal post that I would do but I really have to do it. I'm not jumping on the American Idol bandwagon (it's kind of obvious that this year is one of the best, if not the best top 3/4 they have) because I've always liked American Idol since like season 2. It's just that no one there ever really appealed to me that strongly to make me feel that he/she should win. The only one that appealed to me was Kris Allen from this season. He's the first one who I felt very strongly about and really wanted him to win very badly. He made me really start following American Idol closely. The only other one I "supported" was Carrie Underwood but I supported her because it was either her or Bo Bice. Oh, and probably David Cook as well. I did watch a few of his perfomances although I still don't get what's so great about his rendition of "Always Be My Baby". Anyway, I know that Adam is great, blah blah blah, loads of people are saying it but I think Kris is the real winner here. Look, American Idol isn't just about singing. It's also about your style, personality and talent.

Seriously, sometimes I think Adam is overrated. His vocals are good, he has charisma (although I don't feel it) and people will want to go see him perform. But sometimes, when he hits high notes, it really hurts the ear because it's more of like a screech. And I still see Simon say it's perfect. Talk about being biased. Sometimes he comes across as a bit too over confident, just because he's good. Whatever. Kris is good as well, but you don't see his ego pouring out of him like there's no tomorrow.

I know Kris isn't vocally powerful as Adam (I'm not admitting he sucks, I'm just not so ignorant to the point of foolishness where I think he's perfect), but he has the ability to make the song his. It has been shown consistently throughout the show and even praised loads by the judges. Paula Abdul even calls this process "Allenizing". Kris has the voice, style and talent. He embodies the spirit of American Idol, and yes, American Idol is partly a talent show as well. I just think that Kris deserves to win American Idol, truly and totally. Even if Adam takes the title (I really hope not), we know that Kris is the real winner because of who he is and what he represents. And yes, I'm so going to vote for him.

life is short, live it

A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. “Never leave that till tomorrow,” he said, “which you can do today.”

This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision. Because, what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo?

Whatever it is we’re afraid of, one thing holds true… that, by the time the pain of not doing a thing, gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we’re carrying around a giant tumor.

Life is too short for you to live it the way others want you to. We need, at some point in time, to take control of our lives and steer it in the direction we want. How many times have we done things because we want to and not because someone is dictating our actions? Most of the time, we do things because we're required to. Or because it's acceptable. We repress everything inside of us, and we never really let it out.

Some want to sail the 7 freakin' seas, some want to go around the world in 80 days and others want to climb a mountain or do some ridiculously insane stuff. And we never do it. Why? Because we either don't have the time or we're afraid to be different. We let people decide how we should live our lives. For me, I do things because I want to. Fine, maybe not all the time, but at least I'm doing it. Because I know that I don't want to make tapes on my deathbed to release like 60 years of repressed rage. And I don't want to lie there thinking of all the things I should have done but didn't do because I was too stupid to control my own life. I don't want my life to end in regret. Whatever you want to do, do it now or soon. Life is really too short for you to live it by the rules of others.

'The early bird catches the worm.' 'A stitch in time saves nine.' 'He who hesitates is lost.' We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still, sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug, until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves, what Benjamin Franklin meant:

That knowing, is better than wondering. That waking, is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying.

sweet little lies

As people, we’re trained to be skeptical… because others lie to us all the time. The rule is: everybody is a liar until proven honest. Lying is bad. Or so we’re told. Constantly, from birth. “Honesty is the best policy.” “The truth shall set you free.” “I chopped down the cherry tree.” Whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth… the truth freakin' hurts.

We lie all the time. Usually we start with something small. Lying to your mum about where you are because chances are you're somewhere doing something naughty. White lies, we call it. Ever wonder why it's called 'white'? I have no idea as well. Then we move on to something bigger. The ones that gets us into loads of crap. Skipping school, stealing, doing drugs, smoking. Basically anything you know that gets you big time falls under this category. The more serious the issue, the more we try to lie to hide it. Then we lie more to cover up our previous lies and finally, we find ourselves in a grave we single handedly dug because we can't stop lying. We get crushed beneath the growing burden of our lies.

I wonder all the time about why we lie. So why do we lie? The way I see it, there's usually 3 main reasons. The first is the basic reason, it's why we lie most of the time. We want to hide something. Out of fear, our of insecurity or just wanting to keep it personal. The second reason is because we want to protect someone. We don't want to hurt them or allow them to be hurt in any way. Our parents lie to us about the existence of Santa Claus and other imaginary characters. Why? To protect the innoncence of our childhood. It sucks for a 6 year old to realise Santa Claus doesn't exist. Or... we lie to our loved ones because we know the truth is too freakin' painful. The last reason why we lie is because it's a natural mechanism. I like to believe it's the way things work, to keep the cosmic balance in check. Someone once said, "People should just tell the truth to the people in their lives." To which the response was, "They can't. If they could, we'll all be healthy." Since it's physically impossible for everyone to be healthy, likewise, it's impossible for people to be totally honest.

We lie to others... but we also lie to ourselves. The truth is too painful for us to bear. We lie to run away and escape from it. It's hard for us to accept the harsh reality of the world: That life is not a bed of roses or fluffy clouds. But sometimes, the truth is the only thing we can offer.. .either to ourselves or others.

No matter how hard we try to ignore it or deny it, eventually the lies fall away… whether we like it, or not. But, here’s the truth about the truth: It hurts. So… we lie.

forgiveness

In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people. You’re going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, there’s really only one thing you can say… "I forgive you."

Of course, it sounds fancier when you say it. But when you really get to it, will you practice what you preach? I've been hurt loads of times. By people I don't really know, by people I love. Whatever. And then afterwards, they come up to say "I'm sorry." Seriously. As though it can somehow erase the hurt they've inflicted. They screw around with your relationship with them and all they can say is 'sorry'? They just want to ease their guilt, make themselves feel better. They don't have the right, not after what they did. Well, that's the best case scenario. Most of the people I know don't bother to apologise. It's human nature, I know. That's why I don't even bother to expect one.

Well, a more optimistic way of looking at it is this. You care for the person, that's why you still feel hurt by what they did. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. But I've been pretty much glass half empty these days, so I just screw that explanation. There's an interesting story that's probably been told a few times and i find it rather relevant as to why the only way to recover is to forgive.

Once upon a time, there was this little boy. He liked to throw his temper, frequently. So his dad told him to hammer a nail into the fence everytime he lost his temper. It worked and as time passes, he learned to keep his temper in check. After that, his dad brought him to the fence and asked him to pull out all the nails. The boy looked at the fence that was filled with holes and realised what his dad wanted to teach him. When you flare up at someone, you hurt them. After things settle down, you can apologise and make amends, but the hurt doesn't really go away.

What a fanciful story. Load of crap. As though anyone really learns their lesson. Well, you get the point. When someone hurts you, no matter how hard you pretend, the wound doesn't really heal. It leaves a mark. Even if whoever hurt you tries to make amends, it doesn't go away. Whoever said time heals all wounds, was a complete and total moron. It doesn't, at least not for most of the people I know. The only way for the the pain to go away completely is for you to rip off the Band-Aid, let the wound breathe and slowly, forgive the very person who hurt you. I've been there, done that. I just did it recently, it's hard, no one said it was a walk in the park. But what's the point of holding in all that pent up rage? Just let it go and you will feel better. Maybe if you look at it as what Jesus would freakin' do, it might help. Well, those who believe in him anyway.

Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled. Old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.

dreams

The dream is this: That we’ll finally be happy when we reach our goals. Find the guy, get our desired careers… that’s the dream. Then we get there… and if we’re human, we immediately start dreaming of something else. Because if the dream sucks… then we’d like to wake up. Now, please.

My dream since young was simple. Get my education done, finish up NS, be a teacher, settle down if I ever find the right half and live my life happily ever after. Seems easy right? Ha! I wish. Not even halfway through my life, I find myself making adjustments because I'm not living my freakin' dream. Life sucks. I have a theory. That because Life sucks, and everyone hates Life, he/she/it decides to have fun by throwing us a curve ball when we least expect it. Constantly. Why not? People already hate me, why not make them hate me more?

We never take into account the unexpected. That's why we call it the unexpected. When it does happen, we have to improvise. We have to think on our feet, adapt to the situation. Some of us do it better than others, some crack under the pressure and the rest move on to Plan B and make the best of it.

I'm not saying that my dream is completely crushed and it's impossible to achieve. Things just got harder. I just got a curve ball. In my face. Not the first time, and I'm still reeling from it. After tons of experience, you expect to be better at handling it. But that feeling? Yeah, it doesn't really change. And maybe, life may not be so bad after all. Because in spite of everything people say about life not being a freakin' bed of roses, sometimes... it really feels like it.

At some point, maybe we accept that the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves the reality is better. We convince ourselves it’s better that we never dream at all. But the strongest of us, the most determined of us, we hold on to the dream.

Or, we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We awake to find ourselves… against all odds… feeling hopeful. And if we’re lucky… we realise, in the face of everything, in the face of life… the true dream… is being able to dream, at all.

just want to be close to someone

My family isn't the most perfect family out there. All those shows you see of loving families? Where at the end of the day everyone just kiss and make up and they all hug each other in bliss? Totally overrated. Maybe, it's just mine. Maybe, there really are families out there who hug each other in eternal bliss. I wouldn't know though, I've never seen one. My family has its own deep, dark secrets. More family drama than anyone else's I suppose. Seriously. And you thought Brothers & Sisters was bad enough. Welcome to mine. But I'm not here to talk about how crappy my family life has been. I'm here to talk about weighing family against friends.

Why do we turn to friends? Why do we even have friends? People say it's because it makes them seem pathetic and as though they don't have a life. Can you imagine how stupid you sound if you tell people you don't have friends? Yeah, scary. And frightening. Then there's the belief in the saying 'No man is an island.' But seriously, sometimes friends are there to share the burden you know you can't let your family know. It's simple, really. Why are there things we rather let our close friends know than our parents? The ones who actually raise us up, and feed us, and clothe us. They tend to use that argument against us, parents I mean. And we throw in back in their faces because there's some stuff that you really just don't want to talk to your parents about. I mean, come on. Imagine talking to your parents about your relationship problems. I bet some parents object to BGR in the first place. Some do talk to their parents, and they are the lucky few who have such families. But ultimately, friends are supposed to help us when our families can't.

Now we move on to our parents and siblings. Girls tend to have problems with the mother, and boys tend to have problems with the father. What with the whole expectations thing they keep shoving into your face. 'Girls should do this. Learn that.' 'Boys should not behave like this. Talk like that.' And the list just goes on and on and on. We say 'Screw it, ok? That is so yesterday.', and we hate it when they restrict us to certain actions because they think it's inappropriate for someone for our gender. But, don't forget. Your family is the group of people who will always be there to help you.... at the end of the day. No matter what trouble you cause, they will try to clear up the mess. Yes, your parents will probably yell for making them clean up after you. But that's what they do. And you need to appreciate them for it. Life is too short for you to be angry with everyone.

As mothers go, I know overbearing and overprotective. Probably one of the worst traits to have when we grow to the age where we desperately fight for our freedom. As fathers go, I know overprotective and sometimes, indecisive. People probably hate me now because they lost either one or both and here I am, with both and still complaining. We argue, we fight. We quarrel, we scream. At the end of the day, your parents will be the one there. For you. Still helping you in every way they can... until they take their last breath.

Well, I don't see the need to talk about siblings. I mean, no one should have problems communicating with them. If you do, it's ok to take a time-out. We all need one from time to time. Don't care if your parents keep preaching about the bonds of sisterhood or brotherhood. Take a step back, relax and clear your mind. Then only talk when you are ready. I know it's hard to make the first step because it means you lose. It means the other party has power. But you know, think about it as rising above it all. Being a better person. Might not be such a fancy idea at first but it works. And to all guys out there who have a sister, learn to appreciate them. Shove your chauvinistic attitude aside, chuck it down the drain. Whatever. Because when you get in touch with your feminine side and you definitely will, they can really help. A lot.

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want, is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other? It’s usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to.

And once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by, no matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day... those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But, sometimes that invasion of personal space… it can be exactly what you need.