teardrops on my guitar

Remember my previous post which said that your family is better? That they're always there to help you, to watch as you start off with baby steps and finally achieve independence? I lied. It wasn't on purpose, I was fooled as well. Whoever started telling people that crap was a complete and total moron. Family bonds? So freakin' overrated.

People always say that your family are the only ones you can trust in your life. Well, they haven't met mine. My life sucks and mostly it's because of them. I was in APEL class a few days back and I was told to write down a spiritual goal. My mind went blank because I couldn't think of anything that gave my life meaning. Then my teacher "forced" me to think and the first thing that came to mind was my eldest sister.

Not my parents, or my other sister. Not them. My eldest sister. It occurred to me then that something was wrong. Really wrong. Almost everyone would firstly, have something in their life that gives it meaning and secondly, that would be their parents or their other half. Ok, I don't have a other half which means it should have been my parents. But it's not.

And honestly, it wasn't a surprise. My eldest sister is always there, maybe not physically and not all the time. But she's there for me more than my family is. My parents do help me, but they come back and screw me for causing trouble and making them solve it for me. Which, to be honest, I didn't ask for it. I'm not trying to be ungrateful but you don't voluntarily help someone then scold the person you're helping. It just doesn't work that way.

Parents are supposed to give unconditional love to their children. That is NOT unconditional love, period. My sister provides a better example of unconditional love. Then they say, "Ask your sister to provide for you then. Pay for your school fees." Really? Your family is much better? Moron. It's raining now. Everything seems dark and gloomy... Something happened just now, which is why I made this post. But it sounds very superficial so I'm not posting it up. I'm upset, so freakin' upset. But no one knows, no one except my sister. And you wonder why I say she makes my life meaningful.

She gives me hope and inspiration. She has gone through worse than me and made it through. She lets me know that damaged people like us deserve a second chance and that I can make it through just when I think the road is going nowhere.

Family... you wonder why people say they're the best. It's definitely not. Not all of them anyway. Don't believe that crap... trust me. I found out the hard way. I'm upset and alone and do they care? No. To them, I've disappeared. I'm nothing. I only matter to one person... and that's why she gives my life meaning.