forgiveness

In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people. You’re going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, there’s really only one thing you can say… "I forgive you."

Of course, it sounds fancier when you say it. But when you really get to it, will you practice what you preach? I've been hurt loads of times. By people I don't really know, by people I love. Whatever. And then afterwards, they come up to say "I'm sorry." Seriously. As though it can somehow erase the hurt they've inflicted. They screw around with your relationship with them and all they can say is 'sorry'? They just want to ease their guilt, make themselves feel better. They don't have the right, not after what they did. Well, that's the best case scenario. Most of the people I know don't bother to apologise. It's human nature, I know. That's why I don't even bother to expect one.

Well, a more optimistic way of looking at it is this. You care for the person, that's why you still feel hurt by what they did. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. But I've been pretty much glass half empty these days, so I just screw that explanation. There's an interesting story that's probably been told a few times and i find it rather relevant as to why the only way to recover is to forgive.

Once upon a time, there was this little boy. He liked to throw his temper, frequently. So his dad told him to hammer a nail into the fence everytime he lost his temper. It worked and as time passes, he learned to keep his temper in check. After that, his dad brought him to the fence and asked him to pull out all the nails. The boy looked at the fence that was filled with holes and realised what his dad wanted to teach him. When you flare up at someone, you hurt them. After things settle down, you can apologise and make amends, but the hurt doesn't really go away.

What a fanciful story. Load of crap. As though anyone really learns their lesson. Well, you get the point. When someone hurts you, no matter how hard you pretend, the wound doesn't really heal. It leaves a mark. Even if whoever hurt you tries to make amends, it doesn't go away. Whoever said time heals all wounds, was a complete and total moron. It doesn't, at least not for most of the people I know. The only way for the the pain to go away completely is for you to rip off the Band-Aid, let the wound breathe and slowly, forgive the very person who hurt you. I've been there, done that. I just did it recently, it's hard, no one said it was a walk in the park. But what's the point of holding in all that pent up rage? Just let it go and you will feel better. Maybe if you look at it as what Jesus would freakin' do, it might help. Well, those who believe in him anyway.

Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled. Old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.