wishin' and hopin'

We all get at least one good wish a year. Over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in more. On eyelashes... fountains... lucky stars... And every now and then, one of those wishes comes true. So what then? Is it as good as we'd hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? Or, do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished?

Since I was a kid, I've always got something to wish for. Good grades... new toys... that certain secrets would remain secret. Ok, scratch that last one out. Anyway, I've always knew what I wanted. In my mind, I knew.

Strangely, this year, I had no idea what to wish for on my birthday. Or what present I wanted. It wasn't because I had everything or that I was satisfied with what I had. There were things I wanted, but I just couldn't think of anything that was feasible. However, now, at this very moment, I wish it was my birthday so I could make my birthday wish over again. Because now, I have something I want to wish for. Something I really really want.

I recently applied for a part time job at SISTIC call centre and I'm afraid I won't get it. It wasn't the best interview I've done. The interview for the F1 job was much better. There were so many things I wanted to say but somehow, I didn't. One of my friends who applied already got the call and there's just 2 of us (including me) waiting for the call.

Well, as much as I've been told it should be fine considering I've got a "history" with them, I still feel unsure. I want this job. I need this job. It may be the thing I've been looking for. Something that will add colour to my otherwise boring boring life. Something that gives my life meaning. I'm hoping that I get the job.

I've been told that if you need a job to give you a life, you either need a new job or a new life. But since I don't have an existing job, therefore I need a new life. But to get a new life, I need a job. It's contradicting on so many levels. But it still doesn't change the fact that I want this job so bad. For reasons that even I'm not sure why. I just know that I feel very strongly about this.

I'm crossing my fingers and doing everything I can to try and remain calm. But I'm usually a glass half empty person and my thoughts just run wild. I'm desperately hoping. I'm desperately wishing. And now I'm out of options, wrecked with uncertainty and fear and I have no idea what to do. Except to wait. Which is the worst part.

We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we're scared and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true.