sir, are you high?

I just saw an update on Entertainment Weekly that got me very riled up because it comes across as rude, ignorant and insulting. Let me provide the entire letter for your perusal before I point out how flawed it is.

An Open Letter to Neil Portnow, NARAS and the Grammy Awards

Over the course of my 20-year history as an executive in the music business and as the owner of a firm that specializes in in-culture advertising, I have come to the conclusion that the Grammy Awards have clearly lost touch with contemporary popular culture. My being a music fan has left me with an even greater and deeper sense of dismay — so much so that I feel compelled to write this letter. Where I think that the Grammys fail stems from two key sources: (1) over-zealousness to produce a popular show that is at odds with its own system of voting and (2) fundamental disrespect of cultural shifts as being viable and artistic.

As an institution that celebrates artistic works of musicians, singers, songwriters, producers and technical specialists, we have come to expect that the Grammys upholds all of the values that reflect the very best in music that is born from our culture. Unfortunately, the awards show has become a series of hypocrisies and contradictions, leaving me to question why any contemporary popular artist would even participate. How is it possible that in 2001 The Marshall Mathers LP — an album by Eminem that ushered in the Bob Dylan of our time — was beaten out by Steely Dan (no disrespect) for Album Of The Year? While we cannot solely utilize album sales as the barometer, this was certainly not the case.

Not only is Eminem the best-selling artist of the last decade, but The Marshall Mathers LP was a critical and commercial success that sold over 10 million albums in the United States (19 million worldwide), while Steely Dan sold less than 10% of that amount and came and went as quietly as a church mouse. Or consider even that in 2008 at the 50th Annual Grammy Awards, after going into the night as the most-nominated artist, Kanye West’s Graduation was beaten out for Album Of The Year by Herbie Hancock’s River: The Joni Letters. (This was the first time in 43 years that a jazz album won this category.) While there is no doubt in my mind of the artistic talents of Steely Dan or Herbie Hancock, we must acknowledge the massive cultural impact of Eminem and Kanye West and how their music is shaping, influencing and defining the voice of a generation. It is this same cultural impact that acknowledged the commercial and critical success of Michael Jackson’s Thriller in 1984.

Just so that I’m not showing partiality to hip-hop artists (although it would be an entirely different letter as to how hip-hop music has been totally diminished as an art form by this organization), how is it that Justin Bieber, an artist that defines what it means to be a modern artist, did not win Best New Artist? Again, his cultural impact and success are even more quantifiable if you factor in his YouTube and Vevo viewership — the fact that he was a talent born entirely of the digital age whose story was crafted in the most humble method of being “discovered” purely for his singing ability (and it should be noted that Justin Bieber plays piano and guitar, as evidenced on his early viral videos).

So while these very artists that the public acknowledges as being worthy of their money and fandom are snubbed year after year at the Grammys, the awards show has absolutely no qualms in inviting these same artists to perform. At first I thought that you were not paying attention to the fact that the mental complexion of the world is becoming tanned, that multiculturalism and poly-ethnicity are driving new meaning as to what is culturally relevant. Interesting that the Grammys understands cultural relevance when it comes to using Eminem’s, Kanye West’s or Justin Bieber’s name in the billing to ensure viewership and to deliver the all-too-important ratings for its advertisers.

What truly inspired the writing of this letter was that this most recent show fed my suspicions. As the show was coming to a close and just prior to presenting the award for Album Of The Year, the band Arcade Fire performed “Month of May” — only to… surprise… win the category and, in a moment of sheer coincidence, happened to be prepared to perform “Ready to Start.”

Does the Grammys intentionally use artists for their celebrity, popularity and cultural appeal when they already know the winners and then program a show against this expectation? Meanwhile the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences hides behind the “peer” voting system to escape culpability for not even rethinking its approach.

And I imagine that next year there will be another televised super-close-up of an astonished front-runner as they come to the realization before a national audience… that he or she was used.

You are being called to task at this very moment, NARAS.

And to all of the artists that attend the Grammys: Stop accepting the invitation to be the upset of the year and demand that this body upholds its mission for advocacy and support of artistry as culture evolves.

Demand that they change this system and truly reflect and truly acknowledge your art.

Steve Stoute

Mr Steve Stoute does provide compelling arguments initially and I will not object to those purely because I lack the experience and knowledge. However, whatever weight and credibility his words carry in the first half of the letter was severely marred by the second half where he defines Justin Bieber as a "modern artist" who was snubbed because he did not win Best New Artist. Oh, then he went on to chastise the Grammys for "intentionally using" artists to draw in viewers by capitalising on their "celebrity, popularity and cultural appeal".

Pray tell Mr Stoute, exactly what part of Bieber screams "modern artist"? Do you even know what "artist" is? Just because you have a good singing voice, can play a couple of instruments (or 2, in the case of Bieber) and co-written teen-pop songs which just revolve around love and girls (both of which I doubt he has experienced), does not an artist make. Have you heard of Joshua Radin? Or Anya Marina?

Oh, not mainstream enough? How about Ingrid Michaelson? Still not enough for you? Let's go even more mainstream then. David Cook? Kris Allen? Adam Lambert? Ring any bells? Those singers are more than twice the artist Bieber will ever be. Justin is rude and ignorant and to compare him to real "artists" is so demeaning to them.

At 16, he apparently doesn't know where Germany is, produces meaningless teen-pop songs, gropes girls who look like they could be his babysitter or his mum and produces a movie. Seriously? What horrible, unspeakable tragedies could he have experienced within SIXTEEN years that warrants a film out of his life story? Oh sorry, "less than a quarter" of his life and of what others have experienced. If he can make a movie, I should totally be making one. In fact, all of us should make a lifetime movie because I can guarantee that easily half of us have gone through more in the first 16 years of our lives. And if that is not enough, he goes and puts his name to bedsheets and nail polish.

He disses Lady Gaga's fashion with snarky comments like "you have meat on you" and "you're an egg" and thinks he's funny. Lady Gaga, mind you. Perhaps one of the most celebrated artists in recent times who has contributed so much musically and socially. And what has Bieber done? Besides plastering his face to bedsheets and his name to bottles of nail polish?

By the way, the Grammys are about excellence. It celebrates and rewards the singer's talent and artistry and musicality. Not album sales or fan reception and certainly not being a teenybopper idol. Like Simon Jester commented on the EW message boards, this ain't the People's Choice Awards. And might I point out that a huge majority of Bieber's fans are screaming teen girls who really don't know how to appreciate true talent even if it hit them in the face? So what "popularity and cultural appeal" do you think the Grammys are trying to exploit? A million screaming teen girls? Seriously?

And your definition of "artist" is so cheap. Let me explain. Bieber is your definition of a "modern artist". Bieber was just a nobody who filmed himself playing instruments and singing and then posted these videos on YouTube before being "discovered". So by your definition, as long as I break out my guitar, sing a few tunes, film myself and put it on YouTube and get signed by a record label, I'm an "artist"? Really?

So before Mr Stoute makes such bold claims and harsh critiques, I implore him to open his eyes and expose himself to other genres of music and see for himself what a true "artist" is. Even if he is unable to do so because he has been pigeonholed into the Hiphop/Rap genre for 25 years, mainstream "artists" like David Cook and Kris Allen and Adam Lambert hold so much more artistry than that SIXTEEN year old can ever hope to attain. And lastly, if Mr Stoute's 25 years of experience in the music industry leads him to conclude that Bieber is the definition of a "modern artist" and truly deserving of a Grammy -despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary- then I really worry for the future of our music industry.

"appealingly multicultural"

Okay this post has nothing to do with the title but I thought that phrase stood out from the excerpt of the article I'm about to quote. I just find it funny... I need to jot it down now...

Anyway, my very good friend on Twitter knows that I absolutely love Darren Criss so he linked me some pics on E! Online which I later found out came from an article on Darren from OUT Magazine. So I scurried over to read the article (and gawk at Darren in all his shirtless glory) and I realised that there was so much more waiting for me than just the pictures.

The article was insightful, interesting and witty. The journalist briefly explored Criss's background, what Glee meant to Criss and what the character Blaine represents for the community and for Kurt as well. That was even a little teaser by Glee creator, Ryan Murphy that will possibly lead to a riot outside FOX Studios by a 10 000 (possibly more) strong crowd wanting to stab a harpoon into the writers' eye.

While reading the article, and admiring Criss's "credentials", I realised this type of journalism is right up my alley. I want to do interviews like that and this is the style of writing I want to emulate and hopefully one day, cultivate. I'm gonna quote a short extract and I hope you guys enjoy it. Oh, and on a side note, they had a list of "10 Most Eligible Gay Bachelors" and Luke Macfarlane was on it! That is pretty much a no-brainer. Sadly, Criss is straight or I'm sure he would have made the list in a heartbeat. Yes, I hear the screams and cheers of millions of women around the world as they know that they at least have a 1% chance of getting him. Damn you, girls.

Extract from OUT Magazine, The New Kid on the Block

"Criss’s backstory is so good it seems tailor-made for this moment. He grew up in San Francisco (translation: he’s gay-friendly), where he was a big musical theater geek (see previous); his mom is Filipino and his dad is Irish (so he’s appealingly multicultural); he graduated from the University of Michigan in 2009 (in other words, he’s a smartie); his self-produced EP and the Harry Potter musical parody he and his UM friends made became worldwide viral video hits (he’s creative, resourceful, and of-the-moment); he auditioned three times for Glee (that’s persistence); and he’s still deeply involved in Team StarKid, the theater company he started with his friends in college (he’s grounded)."

tender moments

Standing in the middle of a packed train can really jumpstart those brain cells. No seriously... most of the time, I get the urge to write while I'm on the way home on the train and I'm lost in my own thoughts. It all started when a lady hit me with her Neverfull LV bag, which is kind of a humiliation because I absolutely hate that bag. It's so worn to death, it looks tacky and it's just ugly.

Anyway, I have just finished watching Love and Other Drugs with my friend. It's a romantic comedy starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway. Jake's really gorgeous and he has such mesmerising blue eyes. You kind of feel you can get lost in them just by gazing into those eyes. If the eyes are the window into a person's soul, Jake has got a really beautiful soul.

God... I seem to gush at almost every Hollywood actor. I've really got to stop. Haha. Everyone seems to be "gorgeous" to me... Crap, I need to find a new adjective. I digress...

Like I was saying, this lady accidentally hit me with her LV bag and then it's like someone flipped a switch in me and voilà, the words started flowing.

While watching Love and Other Drugs, I discovered it pretty much panned out like a simple, slightly clichéd love story. I was waiting for something big, good or bad, to happen but nada... zilch. Just a simple love story of a pharmaceutical rep who met a girl with Parkinson's, fell in love with her and then pushed her away by trying desperately to find a cure for her which led her to think that he wasn't able to accept her sickness. In the end, he realised he just wanted her and was willing to love her for who she is. I know, it sounds corny.

Initially, I was disappointed with the film about halfway through and only at the end when he was trying to win her back and my eyes were glistening with tears, did I realise the true beauty of this film.

Simplicity.

It's a simple love story that warms your heart and that's the beauty of it. Often, our lives are so complicated and full of drama that when watching love stories, we want them to mirror our crappy, drama-filled lives so we feel relevant and connected. As such, we very often neglect the allure of simplicity. In simplicity, we find happiness. In simplicity, we find solace and comfort. In simplicity... well, in simplicity, we find acceptance. We let down our defensive guards and we let our walls come down and let ourselves feel vulnerable.

Simple gestures like bringing someone food, or sending someone flowers, or even as basic as not forgetting someone's birthday can bring true happiness to someone. Even if it's just a fleeting moment, at least they've experienced pure bliss and joy. Simplicity......

Another point I want to bring up is the "existence" of that one perfect guy who compliments you. Many people, okay... this is my wish but it's essentially the same as others, many people wish to find their McDreamy who'll say McDreamy things to them. Someone who understands you more than you do, who accepts you no matter how damaged you are and who loves you more than anything in the world.

And we see so many of these characters in television and movies and Jake's character is one classic example. He's not perfect, he's screwed up and flawed but he knows for sure that he loves Anne's character and wants to take care of her for the rest of his life. So by watching such shows, we have a fantasy of one day meeting our knight in shining whatever, especially if you're exposed to it from a young age.

But as we grow up and hear the stories and see the people, we start to lose confidence in finding that person. We begin to believe he never existed, that he's the stuff of dreams and our fantasy shatters. People say we're unrealistic for harbouring such hopes. I understand where they're coming from because I'm grappling with such feelings as well. I think, should I just give up? I've never been in a relationship but those stories just seem way too real. But then again, do I want to abandon my dream and become like "those people"? "Those people" who lose hope fast and give in to the harsh reality and say they're "being practical". Do I want to be normal and like everyone else?

I feel like this "dream" of mine is what sets me apart from the crowd. How many of you out there can honestly say you haven't given hope on finding your true love? Probably a handful, probably lesser. In a news article I read somewhere a while ago, they conducted a survey amongst married couples and found out that, I think, around 70% of them said they know their spouse isn't "the one". So what exactly does this reflect? I think we often just give up and give in and settle down for the sake of doing so. Because apparently we "need to be practical."

This quote from Grey's really struck a chord in me. Yes, I know it's from a television show, ergo, it's not real but just read on.

"Do you know what kind of miracle it is that Derek is who he is? Do you know how rare it is that someone like him even exists? He's still an optimist! He still believes in true love and magic and soul mates."

And that's my question to you guys. Do you know what kind of a miracle that people like me, you, and some others still exist? Do you know how rare it is? I think that's the whole point. In the face of reality, in the face of our own experiences and others', we are still able to remain steadfast in our beliefs. And how many people can do that?

This post, I guess, is in a lot of ways about me as well. I'm trying to convince myself to hold true to my beliefs because my confidence started to waver. It may be the stuff of dreams and movies and television but I want to believe that some day, I will meet my McDreamy... some day, I will meet my knight in shining whatever. And I have to believe in that as well because the future keeps me grounded and sane... I have to believe because my beliefs let me know that I'm unique. That I'm different. My beliefs let me know that I'm something else...

snacking at night makes the mind go wild

So I was rewarding myself after making it through this week because I had to submit an assignment and go through an interview with The New Paper for my internship which I think, didn't go as well as I had expected. I went out for a BBQ gathering with my Bottega ION colleagues on Friday at East Coast Park and had loads of fun. To think I almost didn't go down until KY agreed to wait for me. Anyway, I didn't eat a lot but I laughed so hard at times, I had tears in my eyes. It was a non-stop laughfest. Gorgeous! How 'bout it? HAH!

Then I treated myself to a TV series marathon, mainly Brothers & Sisters and Grey's Anatomy, and now I find myself here, in the dead of the night, trying to complete my assignment which is due Tuesday morning. But my mind is just whirling and noisy and I can't focus. I keep getting distracted by my shows, but it's not that I'm watching. I mean I've watched, but I can't keep the quotes out of my head because it's so freaking hilarious. By watching Brothers & Sisters, I've learned "lessons" which I now call Bryanisms, which I realise is plagiarising since they're not my ideas, but what the hell.

Bryanism #1: If you bake the cake, he'll come.

Kevin was mad at Nora and when she was making his birthday feast, Scotty -Kevin's husband- told her that he wasn't coming and she said that if he baked the cake, Kevin would come. And I thought it was kinda funny and I can totally imagine myself saying that to someone, so why not?

Bryanism #2: You have to care about the carrots. It's the carrots and onions and celery that ground us. Nothing is more basic than that when the whole world is shifting and changing; you got to hold on to your carrots.

Again, Sarah was telling Nora that Kevin wasn't coming and she got irritated that her mum didn't seem to understand that so she yelled at her to stop chopping the carrots 'cause it wasn't important. And Nora told her that she was wrong. And what she basically meant by that quote was that in the face of change, you have to be grounded. You have to hold your ground. Although it's a pretty serious lesson, you gotta admit, the analogy is hilarious. HOLD ON TO YOUR CARROTS PEOPLE!

Bryanism #3: If someone disapproves of you drinking when it's not even noon, just say that you're being European.

Nora walked into the kitchen and found Kevin and Sarah sipping champagne and she was shocked to see them drinking when it wasn't even noon. She expressed her concern and Kevrah (a nickname they coined for themselves when they played doubles for tennis in the past) said that they were "being European". I chuckled. And I realised that I'm gonna say that until the end of time. This is what I love about screenwriting. They always have some witty and insightful remarks which we're all gonna adopt for the rest of our lives.

So that's basically what I can't get out of my head. I keep thinking that at some point in the distant future, I'm gonna use those quotes on people and laugh. And while the prospect of that is, well, hilarious, I have serious work to do. And my mind still won't shut up. I thought the post would work, an outlet to channel my mental energies but it didn't 'cause writing about those quotes just made me even more... crazy, for lack of a better term. And now I'm telling myself, "Ok. You gotta stop 'cause you gotta hold on to your carrots and stop laughing!" And I think I'm making things worse, aren't I? Hah!

my own personal brand of heroine (part 1)

Extracts/quotes from EW recaps/TV shows that crack me up like mad. This will be an ongoing thing and whenever I find something worth quoting, I'll post it up.

EW Brothers & Sisters recap, Annie Barrett, Cheat Drink Man Woman

"You know Marcus was just begging to be involved in the drama and is probably still relishing his facial wounds in his vanity mirror...which is probably surrounded by a dotted line of those huge round bulbs, fit for a stahhhhhhh!"

"And for Scotty, this was like a wake-up call to the rest of the Walkers as well as the viewers at home: Scotty is not perfect. We should stop assuming he is, even though that will be so hard because LOOK AT THAT PERFECT FACE. But no. "I'm just as lost and damaged and screwed-up as the rest of you," Scotty insisted. Okay, if he says so."

EW Brothers & Sisters recap, Annie Barrett, Absinthe Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

"But the real drama presented itself in Luc's visiting mother, Gabriella Laurent (guest star Sonia Braga, who's appeared in many a TV drama, but best of all, hello, Alias!) Right off the bat, there were signs she was a complete narcissist loon and also -- now that I'm reading over her first few sentences on Luc and Sarah's doorstep -- a pathological liar. "Sometimes you miss your children so much you just cannot stay away from them." (Lie.) "My only desire was to come here to meet Sarah." (Lie.) "I went ahead and booked a hotel room." (Probably a lie.) "I would rather die before I distracted my genius son from his work." (LOL.) At least we knew we were in for a dazzling, emotionally draining treat, courtesy of a(n at least a) decade-old bottle of absinthe."

EW Gossip Girl recap, Sandra Gonzalez, War of the Worlds

"Before leaving to attend to Serena's ass his class, Colin issued a warning to Juliet: Back off or get cut off. Not that he was paying for her to live in the lap of luxury. Sure, Columbia doesn't come cheap, but wouldn't billionaire cousin at least give her some money to buy clothes that she didn't have to return? Sorry, I forgot this show is best watched with an absence of reason and logic. (That's not a complaint…)"

"Meanwhile, Serena and Colin's well-calculated cab rendezvous (still with no sex) turned into a conversation about a possible weekend away from the city together so they could get to know each other like a normal couple. Serena loved the idea, telling Colin, "I'm packing in my head already." Ah! So that's what fills that space…"

"At the loft, another arrangement was in the process of being made: one between Nate and Vanessa, both of whom had feelings of ill will toward Juliet. They wanted vengeance, so Nate proposed an alliance. He would distract Juliet if Vanessa went to Juliet's real apartment to look for information they could use. The decision was easy for Vanessa: "Let me see, writing a paper on Hannah Arendt or a secret mission that might help me clear my name? Let me grab my bag." (I'm a little shocked she didn't also bring along her broom and her cauldron.)"

EW Grey's Anatomy recap, Jennifer Armstrong, Heat Under Pressure

"Now, everything was coming to a head: Stark stole Alex’s idea to use a ping-pong ball to fix the liver problem (I’m dumbfounded that it would be okay to have a ping-pong ball lodged in your abdomen, but I’ll go with it), but April made sure the Chief knew it was Alex’s. The pancreas patient started to crash, and Bailey was busy, so she told Avery to “open her up.” And Derek, Meredith, Owen, and Teddy were squabbling over whether to give Cristina a talking-to that night — while, yes, they were performing simultaneous brain and heart surgeries that could determine the fate of the Middle East. I hope Cristina appreciated that."

EW Grey's Anatomy recap, Jennifer Armstrong, A Million Dollars, Baby

"At any rate, we, along with the eager doctors, were led to believe that one department would get this supposed million dollars. This meant the attendings would be spending their day proposing grand plans to the Chief, and the residents would be the attendings. In other words, it was not exactly the day you wanted to check into Seattle Grace. Here's something you don’t want to hear from the Chief of the hospital you are checking into: “Pray, people. We want God in the building today.” You also don’t want to come in with massive headaches due to a build-up of fluid in your skull that will require a shunt, only to be told by Dr. Derek Shepherd that you shouldn’t sweat the residents doing your surgery because, hey, “At some point we have to let them operate. That’s how we make new surgeons."

"Owen asked for disaster training. “We failed Charles Percy, one of our own doctors. I can’t face that.” I would love it if they ended up with some Charles Percy Memorial something — just to immortalize that poor, useless character forever. I feel like his name has come up more since he died than it did in the season he was on the show."

"Mark proposed a cosmetic medicine center and a burn unit, mainly because, um, he’s horny? “I’m not seeing anyone right now,” he told the Chief. “I’m not sleeping with nurses. So I’m an untapped source of raw power.” Only at this hospital is this a valid funding argument."

I had so much fun re-reading the recaps trying to fish out the hugely hilarious bits and I hope you guys have as much fun as I did!

being a hero has its price

Those were the last words uttered by Cristina Yang on the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy just before it ended. And it really struck a chord in me and I was inspired by that sentence to do some writing. On being a hero. Figuratively. I mean, I don't have any supernatural powers and frankly, I'm not that magnanimous enough to help every random stranger I come across.

There's something to be said about being a hero. What does the word 'hero' mean to you? What's the definition of 'hero'? A being of justice with supernatural powers who tries to help everyone, right every wrong and continuously save the world from the forces of evil until he/she can't anymore? Right. No, obviously not. Who are the heroes in reality? Gandhi... Mother Teresa... and I can't think of anyone else. Really selfless people who devoted their lives to the progress of society.

But is it really all that gratifying as people make it out to be? The concept of a hero... is it just the people's need to believe in miracles? In the face of all the crappiness and misery, to know that there is one person in the midst of it all who can still accomplish things. I think that's where the concept of a hero was born. The people need... no, they want to believe that there are miracles. A "hero" is just the manifestation of that desire.

However, at what point do we draw the line? When do we say that it's enough, and we stop? I mean we can't go on forever helping other people. What about us? When we need help, who's there? Perhaps many of you find yourselves alone. Like me. We spend our time helping people get through their crap because either we want to, or we like to but there's no one who can help us get through ours. Because we are supposed to be the strong ones. We're supposed to have already gone through our crap. Or maybe, crap isn't supposed to happen to us.

I'm a good sponge. And a good friend. Not trying to blow my own horn, but I pride myself on the fact that I'm one of the rare few you can call a TRUE friend. People confide in me and I listen. I'm a good listener too. And I try to help them, well... maybe advise would be a better word. I know some of you are like, "What can you possibly advise people on when you're only 19?" Touche. BUT, and a big but for that matter, I have gone through things that not many 19 year-olds have which have helped to make me the person I've become. I know that I'm dark and twisty. Scary and damaged. Prince of darkness. Whatever.

But like what Derek told Meredith, "If there's a crisis, you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse, and you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw. It's a strength. It makes you who you are."

Those words spoke to me on some unconscious, emotional level because those of you who know me well, know that I've always identified myself with the titular character of Grey's Anatomy. And I like to think that the things I've gone through, gives me the experience and the ability to help my peers move forward through their crisis. Yeah, sometimes I'm at a loss for words. Sometimes I don't know what to say. But I'm not perfect. No one is. And I digress. But my point, and I do have one, is that sometimes... being a hero is too freaking exhausting. And lonely.

I really want to help my friends. I do. It's like I have a weird, creepy passion for it or something. But sometimes, I just wanna say "Stop!" and take a breather. Sometimes it's just too much to handle. I mean, if we want to help others, we can't let our own personal crap get in the way. So we put on a facade and pretend everything's fine. But it's not. And sometimes, wearing the mask gets too tiring and I would like to remove it.

And like I mentioned before, I find that in times of trouble, more than once for that matter, I have no one to turn to. I feel the need to do some talking, and I switch on my phone, go to "Contacts" and what do you know? I have no number to dial. Not because I have no friends but because either they can't understand what I'm going through or I don't know them well enough to start vomiting out my problems.

I've been looking for a Cristina. Someone who can understand what I'm going through and will always be there for me. As a friend. I'm looking for a soulmate who's a friend. If that even makes sense. Anyway, I thought I found one, but I was wrong. And I've been looking, but there's no one. I mean they don't call it soulmates if you can find it so easily, right? And I need someone urgently because sometimes I just feel these rush of emotions and I just wanna talk to someone before I end up screaming into my pillow like a crazy, deranged, neurotic person.

So yes... being a hero has its price. We try to be there for everyone, and string ourselves out in the process, but we find that when we fall... there's no one to catch us. Because we're supposed to be the "heroes". We're infallible. We're invulnerable. We have no weakness. And that's not true. Because as much as we're heroes, we're humans too. We're just as lost, and damaged and screwed up as everyone else.

Grey's Anatomy recap: I'm not G.I. Jane, I'm Attachment Barbie!

Early in the episode, we saw a tearful Teddy and as Callie revealed, "Oh... you didn't. She got attached." Yup. She so did. To his hair. Like me. Perfect hair, what more can I say? She wasn't able to follow Callie and Arizona's advice to not get emotionally involved. "Oh no. No no no. You were supposed to be smart and cool and G.I. Jane," Arizona explained.

"I'm not G.I. Jane, I'm Attachment Barbie!" Teddy moaned.

James Tupper was only signed on for three episodes so he had to go. My life is ruined! I need that pretty hair in my life! "I like you more than I wanted to," she admitted to Perkins. He cuddled her and said, "You fall for men who aren't available, engaged and only in town for a few weeks. You're making some lousy choices, Altman. You deserve a little more." And my heart just melted.

Alex was also battling his own form of trauma. Apparently, getting shot and almost bleeding to death in the elevator caused him to have a phobia of riding the elevators. So he had been taking the stairs all day and he smelled and the Chief pointed out that he needed a shower. Then he forced Alex to ride the elevator with him, up and down, until he was "not scared, just bored". And it worked.

The episode ended on a less happy note. April pointed out to Lexie that the reason why Mark kept staring at her was because he still loved her. Not because she was a freak. Lexie, full of hope, went to his apartment and found him getting hot and steamy with McDreamy's sister and she watched, disappointment clearly etched on her face.

So, what do you guys think? Was last week's episode up to your expectations? Will Cristina get over her new found fear of scalpels? Will April be de-cherryised? Will Lexie and Mark ever find their happily ever after? Sound off in the comments!