invasion

So on the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy, we saw the Mercy West people a.k.a Mercy Westers invade Seattle Grace and leeched surgeries off our old favourites. I know many people hated the episode, some said they have half a mind to watch C.S.I. instead, but we all know it's because suddenly, Seattle Grace is no longer home to just Meredith and company. All of a sudden, people we love to hate in orange scrubs are wandering the halls, eating at the same cafeteria and snatching surgeries left right center.

As with many Grey fans out there, the moment I saw them, I was like "Go. Away. God, make them go away. I don't want to see them. Ever. Get them out of here." Not to mention that there's no one to like in the new residents from Mercy West. Yes, you know who I'm talking about. The bitch, the jackass, the girl who acts inferior and the show off. No, really, their names are Reed, Charles, April and Jackson respectively. Not that I'll use their names anyway, I prefer their nicknames. It suits them to a T.

It starts with Meredith being all motherly and supportive. Boosting the morale of the residents when they were congregated in her room. The whole speech quoted from the Sigourney Weaver movie and especially the last part where she goes "We will hold this hospital with our last, gasping breath."

So our own Seattle Grace residents decide to give it a shot. Just when they were gaining the upper hand, things start to go cosmically wrong. Cristina loses her surgery to the show off because she was having lunch. Lexie gets back at the girl who acts inferior but she didn't feel good. Izzie gets backstabbed by the jackass, hence the nickname, and ends up giving the wrong treatment which gets her fired at the end.

At the end of the day, we see our favourite residents battered, worn out and deep down exhausted by the day's battles. Which they all lost. The scene where Cristina just runs into Meredith's room and sobbed uncontrollably, lamenting that "nothing is happening to her" and that she "miss Burke" because of the surgeries and that she "don't know what I'm (she's) doing" was so powerful. It's the only time we see Cristina break down besides the time she was left at the altar and we feel how desperate and helpless she feels.

That being said, there were many powerful scenes in this episode. Another of which was when Callie yelled to her dad "You can't pray away the gay!". An epic one liner which I'm sure will be remembered for many seasons to come. This led to another memorable scene where Callie tried to settle it peacefully with her dad which cumulated in a heated argument where he started quoting passages from the Bible about how she has sinned and she shot back with passages that taught followers of the Christ not to judge and that "Jesus would be ashamed of you for judging me, he would be ashamed of you for turning your back on me".

There were many other memorable scenes, but the last one I want to bring up is the monologue by Arizona when she was "conversing" with Callie's dad a.k.a stubborn old bastard Mr. Torres about how she was named after a battleship and that she was raised to be a "good man in the storm" and how even though she was a lesbian, she was still the person her dad raised her to be. And the same applies to Callie; that though she suddenly changed her preference after 30 years of dating and loving men, she's still the person stubborn old bastard Mr. Torres raised her to be.

And the last scene? When Izzie was fired and tearfully begged the Chief not to do so as she had nothing left and when it didn't work, she left Alex a "Dear John" letter and he came to Meredith very shocked and in disbelief and he just managed the words "Izzie left me. She wrote a note, and she left me. I... I don't know if she's coming back."? When I saw that scene, I hated our orange invaders even more. Seriously, just leave and never darken Seattle Grace's doorstep again. Ever. I just hope that in the coming episodes, the orange people get their karma and our favourite residents will kick their sorry asses and come back with a bang.

painful but true

"I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to have to come to you for anything. Ever. So I thought if, I looked up your blood type, and it was the wrong one, then that would be it. Then I could just stop thinking about it. But I can't. Because you have his blood. And I know that he's not your dad. I know that he was never there for you. And I would never ask you to give him anything, he doesn't deserve a thing from you. He doesn't. But he's... he's gonna die, Meredith. And so, I'm asking you to give something to me. I'm asking... I'm asking you to give me my dad. Because as crappy as he was to you, he was wonderful to me.

He never missed a single dance recital. He was there at my 5th grade graduation, and what is that? That's not even real. I know he's not your dad. I know that. But somehow, you have his blood. And I don't. So I'm asking you... give me my dad."

This was what Lexie Grey said to Meredith Grey when she was pleading with her to donate her liver so their dad could live. Meredith was facing a tough decision because their dad never treated her like his daughter. He never fought hard enough for her and destroyed her life when he blamed her for her stepmom's death. In addition, he was the reason his liver was shot because he was once an alcoholic.

That scene of Grey's Anatomy was truly a heart wrenching scene and in my honest opinion, one of the best scenes so far in the show. In a short span of 2-3 minutes, so much was "said". So much was felt. Many of us could probably emphatise with Meredith and were probably proud of her decision. Princess of Darkness, dark and twisty Meredith all grown up. Finally whole and healed. Being a better person. Even if it was for her sister.

I wonder if I were faced with a similar dilemma, would I be as strong as her? Would I have the courage to rise above it all? I'm hoping that I won't have to make such a tough decision. Although I'm pretty sure I will. Not exactly the same scenario but still a tough choice. Somehow, I doubt that I'll be able to see past everything for the greater good. Somehow, I doubt I will have the courage to make the right decision. But then again, it's all in the distant future. Maybe I'll be different. Maybe I'll have changed. Hopefully.

a new beginning

The training for the new part time job at SISTIC is over after tomorrow. After tomorrow, I should be answering calls on my own though under supervision. Not too psyched about that, I'm scared of screwing up. Have a huge ulcer on my mouth that's hurting like mad and it's making my mouth feel uncomfortable because it's swollen. Going to crash for the night. Can't wait for to get home tomorrow and watch the new episode of Grey's. It's going to be an awesome episode for sure.

i always feel like somebody's watching me

Paranoia gives you an edge in the OR. Surgeons play out worst-case scenarios in their heads. You're ready to close, you got the bleeder. You know it but there's that voice in your head asking. What if you didn't? What if the patient dies and you could have prevented it? So you check your work one more time before you close. Paranoia is a surgeon's best friend.

So earlier I was freaking out over my job interview because I thought it wasn't that great and I thought I didn't get the job because there was no call, blah dee blah blah blah... Guess what? I got THE call on Sunday and it totally took me by surprise. I was resigned to the fact that I didn't get the job and then suddenly, my phone rang last Sunday afternoon. I thought it was my sister or friend or whatever. So I picked it up and I saw the first 4 numbers go "6319" and I went "OH.MY.GOD." I quickly answered it and Karen called to tell me I was successful and to come down for the training which started today.

I'm a glass half empty person. Seriously. I'm dark and depressing. So usually, I tend to imagine out the worst case scenarios. I have no idea why as well. And when I got something to worry about, I always go overboard and my emotions just go into overload. I swear. I get all panicky, my heart rate increases and I totally freak out. Like when I was waiting for my results, or the job application or waiting to find out why I failed my subject despite doing well for my supplementary paper. I try to calm myself down by focusing on the here and now, on what's right in front of me. So I go about my life as usual, hoping that somehow, impossibly, I will forget about my worries. But there's always this nagging voice at the back of my head that just rudely pulls me back to reality.

Oh, and I failed my subject not because I did badly for the paper. But because my coursework already sucked so bad that when they calculated the supp paper, I still didn't pass. So I have to retake the whole subject again next year. I don't mind though, provided they don't change the Illustrator and Photoshop assignment. Which I don't think it's possible because I can't think of anything else to test your Illustrator and Photoshop skills.

We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are.

bad to worse

As if I didn't have enough on my plate to handle, what with worrying about the job at SISTIC, I get even worse news now. I failed my EssGra supp paper. Seriously. Seriously. I can't believe it. I totally studied for it. I was so prepared. I even wrote down extra stuff as requested (no, it wasn't crap) and I still failed. I can't handle doing EssGra over again. I just can't. I already messaged my teacher and now I'm waiting for her to get back to me tomorrow. Waiting is always the worst part. Always has been, always will be.

wishin' and hopin'

We all get at least one good wish a year. Over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in more. On eyelashes... fountains... lucky stars... And every now and then, one of those wishes comes true. So what then? Is it as good as we'd hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? Or, do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished?

Since I was a kid, I've always got something to wish for. Good grades... new toys... that certain secrets would remain secret. Ok, scratch that last one out. Anyway, I've always knew what I wanted. In my mind, I knew.

Strangely, this year, I had no idea what to wish for on my birthday. Or what present I wanted. It wasn't because I had everything or that I was satisfied with what I had. There were things I wanted, but I just couldn't think of anything that was feasible. However, now, at this very moment, I wish it was my birthday so I could make my birthday wish over again. Because now, I have something I want to wish for. Something I really really want.

I recently applied for a part time job at SISTIC call centre and I'm afraid I won't get it. It wasn't the best interview I've done. The interview for the F1 job was much better. There were so many things I wanted to say but somehow, I didn't. One of my friends who applied already got the call and there's just 2 of us (including me) waiting for the call.

Well, as much as I've been told it should be fine considering I've got a "history" with them, I still feel unsure. I want this job. I need this job. It may be the thing I've been looking for. Something that will add colour to my otherwise boring boring life. Something that gives my life meaning. I'm hoping that I get the job.

I've been told that if you need a job to give you a life, you either need a new job or a new life. But since I don't have an existing job, therefore I need a new life. But to get a new life, I need a job. It's contradicting on so many levels. But it still doesn't change the fact that I want this job so bad. For reasons that even I'm not sure why. I just know that I feel very strongly about this.

I'm crossing my fingers and doing everything I can to try and remain calm. But I'm usually a glass half empty person and my thoughts just run wild. I'm desperately hoping. I'm desperately wishing. And now I'm out of options, wrecked with uncertainty and fear and I have no idea what to do. Except to wait. Which is the worst part.

We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we're scared and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true.