what becomes of the broken hearted

I never thought I would be that emotionally invested in Idol. Honestly, I never thought I would. I've never been a real fan of Idol and it's the kind of show where I would watch if I happen to see it but I won't tune in week after week. And now... for the first time ever... I'm crying over it. I'm crying because everything is so cosmically wrong. I'm crying because everything's screwed up. And I'm crying because she's gone. Yes, I'm referring to Didi Benami.

I heard the news earlier this morning and I was in shock and very upset. Then a couple of hours passed and I thought I had reached an acceptance stage of what happened to her. I initially thought I would cry when I watched the results show but during the show, before her elimination, I had no surge of emotions yet. So I told myself, "Maybe I won't cry." But during her exit performance, I started to feel it. The rush of emotions which would activate my tear ducts. Then Simon delivered the verdict of doom and they were showing her exit package and the tears just flowed. And now it can't stop. At the end, oh crap, it's getting harder to write this...

At the end, she just broke down during her package and Siobhan and Crystal went for a hug before the whole group swarmed in. And my heart just broke. It just did. It's just so saddening for her and I felt it. Then the judges walked over to console her. I only have this to say to the judges, "Stop acting like you really feel sad. All of you are culpable for this."

For the first time in my history of watching Idol, I didn't scream at my TV screen. I didn't rage. I didn't have thoughts of taking a harpoon and stabbing people in the eye. I just stood up and walked to my room and cried. My heart sank into oblivion and it's going to take a while before I recover. Yes, I'm an emotionally fragile person and you know what? I'm proud of it. I'm proud of Didi for coming to the show and trying to carry on the torch for her friend. I'm proud that she didn't let the judges stereotype her into one genre. Now I wish Didi would tell me what becomes of the broken hearted......

If Didi could read this, this post is dedicated to you. I'm consoling myself by hoping that she would get picked up by a good record label. It's a long shot since she finished 10th but we all know she's not 10th position material. And I keep telling myself that I won't cry, but it's just difficult. I'm sorry.

I've emotionally disconnected from Idol and I swore I would not watch the rest of this season unless it's an interesting week or the finals where Kris will perform. And someday, maybe... hopefully... someday, Didi will come out with a chart topping album and come back to kick your asses.