he's just an imbecile

Yesterday we celebrated Rachel's birthday and I'm really happy for her that it turned out so well. She really deserved a break. Poor girl. Kudos to Jeanette and company for the good planning and organising. It was the first planned birthday party I've ever been to and it feels good. Then there was that awkward moment. I don't know what to make of it. I mean, it wasn't yours to share? Ok, never mind. It's over. So over.

Anyway, I'm in my stuffy room. It's so freaking warm, and I don't feel like going out now. Even though the group project is completed, with all the remaining assignments, the whole cycle starts again. Since I got an F for my project, I kind of gave up hope. Seriously. I just really cannot be bothered anymore. I worked my ass off and I get an F which I totally didn't deserve. I tell people that I'm over it. And I mean it. But if that's the case, then why am I tearing up? I know I have a right to be upset but it's been 4 days since it happened. So am I supposed to have gotten over it? Is harping on it after 4 days considered obsessive? For situations like this, what is the limit and when do we draw the line?

But it seems that every time I see him, it just opens up the can of worms. The can I thought I had closed the lid on tightly and even put in screws as a form of safety measure. And I every time I see him, I really really really want to punch his ass face. I do. So badly it's killing me. I just want something really really awful to happen to him. Does that make me evil? I don't know. He deserves it. How can he screw up everyone's life and walk around like nothing happened? Is he retarded? Does he not know that he's making life difficult for not just me but probably everyone who's ever had the misfortune to meet him? Or is he just a dumb f***ing stupid piece of f***ing dumb moron? I apologise. I usually don't swear but I'm just boiling with so much rage right now that I could kill a puppy.

I really have no idea. What I want most right now is to pick him up, in all his sick and twisted glory, and throw him on the road into oncoming traffic. Then I want a truck to run him over, reverse over his body and run him over again. After this semester is over, I never ever want to have anything to do with him ever. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to be near him because god forbid, the next time I see him, I don't know if I can control myself.