It's been told from generations to generations, possibly handed down on a stone tablet. We've all heard the proverbs, listened to the stories, heard people telling us: Respect your elders, especially your parents. But what if things don't go their way? We all know for a fact that if you want someone to respect you, you've got to earn it. So when do we draw the line? When do we differentiate between blindly respecting and really respecting?
Before moving on, I am NOT denying that our parents deserve a lot of credit because they have or will do a lot in bringing you up but sometimes, I realise that parents take this "respect" for granted. At least for me, they do.
We've all heard cases of abuse... the normal stuff like physical abuse, mental torture and the common splashing of hot water. We probably pity the victim but we don't feel much because it doesn't really concern us. But... what happens if it happens to you? Or maybe, someone you know?
Someone I know shared with me one of her traumatising experience when she was just at the tender age of 11. Dad bought a shiny, new pencil and one day, Dad misplaced it. Dad assumed she stole it, so Dad and Mum took her into the room to "shake her up" and force her to admit it. They whacked her, violently shook her and threw her head against the wall. It was so bad she literally begged them to stop and swore she didn't took it. However, Mum got pissed that she swore and beat her up even more. After the beatings, they left her alone in a room for a very long time. Soon after, they found the pencil. Where you ask? It was lying on top of some shelf that Dad left it on. What did her parents do? Nothing. They didn't even apologise for wrongly accusing her. The only thing they did was to smile at her and give the "Oops, my mistake" crap.
Imagine enduring that at the age of 11. And do note that it wasn't an exclusive event. She suffered worse before and after that, and even up to when she was 20. It made me start to wonder if her parents were mentally sick and just weren't aware of it. If you simply wanted to discipline your child for stealing, did you have to go that extend and physically abuse your child? Yes, that was abuse. It's no longer just a simple case of caning or beating.
It also seems that sometimes, parents have a warped sense of respect. Or as I said earlier, they take it for granted. A father once told his son, "Even if I spit on you, scold you and throw your stuff out of the house, you have to crawl back in and call me father." Truth be told, I felt really really disgusted after hearing that. To expect your child to respect you as parents after you do that is ignorant to the point of stupidity. I mean seriously, NO ONE is going to crawl back in and call you if you did what you did to them. We're humans, not animals. We are entitled to our feelings and emotions.
My parents aren't even close to being great parents. I mean sure, they get an A for effort but they way they treat their kids and people is appalling. They keep us in check with fear. Which, I think is kind of ok, but if fear manifests itself in like throwing away your instant noodles immediately upon hearing them or having your heart palpitate wildly if you're playing the computer and you hear them come home, is madness and wrong. It's not even fear... it's tyranny and oppression. Of course, there are other things but it's too personal to share it here. I don't know anyone reading this well enough to have that conversation.
At the end of the day, it comes down to whether you have earned that respect. For me, I strictly believe in respecting people only if they've earned it and I apply it to my parents as well. If you don't want to give me the basic respect as a human being, I don't see why I should respect you as parents. Being parents doesn't mean you have God-given rights and you get away with anything you do. It also doesn't make you infallible because you're after all, human, and capable of making mistakes.
Certain things my parents have done kind of woken me up and made me realise that I've been blindly respecting them. I still give them the basic respect as parents, because trust me, I have half a mind to tell them lots of stuff but I don't because I don't want to hurt them. However, I have drawn the line and I've made up my mind. For most people, I assume, you don't have parents like mine, hence, it doesn't even concern you. But for the others, think about what's going on.
